Under My Skin

34 | all-consuming darkness

TW: Depictions of drug use.

Chapter Thirty-Four:

Ben had been right.

In the five short days that Blaine had been living at home, he had transformed the state of the house tremendously. When Ria stepped foot into the house, she wasn't met with the harsh and torrid air particles of cigar smoke and musty mildew but instead a flavourful aroma of vanilla air-freshener intermingled with the caramelisation of cookie-dough baking in the distance.

She couldn't help but swivel her head towards the lounge room beside the entrance. A room she would perpetually associate with drug paraphernalia. The room was cleaner; the chairs had been neatly drawn up around the dingy dining table, the pale blue rug sat at the doorway, and new cushions were placed on each sofa, creating an illusion of homeliness. But Ria couldn't ignore the frothy chalky material still lingering along the table or the ashtray decorated with several dozen cigarette buds. Blaine released her from her reverie as he silently slammed the door shut, an unmistakable embarrassed expression on his face as he completed the action.

Ria's facial expression softened into sympathy as she followed the two boys into the kitchen. They encountered the frantic older woman springing around, donning a much too-large apron as she knelt, staring through the oven window at the blaze around the cookies tray. She jumped up tall as soon as she realised she had company and an almost practised wide smile graced her face - a smile so big and unnatural that Ria's cheeks ached to look at her.

"Oh! I wasn't expecting you two to be back so soon." She hurried the words out as though an invisible being were chasing her. She clasped her hands together and brought them to her chest as she reverted her attention to Blaine, "How did the trial go, son?"

Ben piped up first, "He was amazing, mum. You should've seen him; he was so fast." Ben shuffled from one foot to another as he mimicked Blaine dribbling a football on the pitch, "Like this!" He roared excitedly, holding onto the kitchen cabinets with his elbows as he continued his rapid movements.

"I had no doubt you would ace it." She let out a small laugh as she gazed lovingly from Ben to Blaine. It was evident she wasn't currently intoxicated in the way she'd made an effort with her appearance. A soft rouge enhanced the apples of her cheeks, a carmine tint swept across her lips, and an excess amount of golden-hued concealer was utilised to hide the gloomy grey that seemed to encircle her eyes permanently. Ria wondered what the older woman would've looked like in her youth. Beautiful, she thought; if only she hadn't allowed the drugs to taint her skin and soul.

Ria observed as the older woman gently kissed her fingertips before inclining upwards and pressing those same fingertips against Blaine's cheek. He responded with a sad smile but didn't utter a single word.

Suddenly, Ben lunged towards the oven, licking his lips as he eyed the cookies through the oven window. He tried to open the oven door but was intercepted by Blaine.

"Ben, wait!" Blaine hurled the boy back, "They're not ready yet. Look, the oven is still really hot." He pointed to the dial on the oven, showing Ben that it was still at three hundred degrees, "See? You need to be careful, okay? Always check the dial and use special gloves before opening the oven."

He'd be a great father one day, Ria thought. But she shook away the thought as quickly as it entered her mind. Ria felt like an intruder as she watched the three family members joke in front of her; they could've been a completely normal family to anyone watching from a distance. She felt a jab in her heart as she realised she'd never have a similar moment with her own mother and brother.

"Ria, was it?" The older woman shuffled towards her, "I don't think I made you feel very welcome the last time you came over. I just...I wasn't in a good mind space at the time. My husband...he was unwell." She took frequent pauses to catch her breath as though she had been running a triathlon. "I don't think I introduced myself properly last time. I'm Tanya." She declared as she jutted her hand out towards Ria.