token punk ~ trixya college/roommates au

seventeen.

"My mom died a year ago today"

Trixie had been tending to some dirty dishes, refilling Katyas hot drink once in the process. She'd let the girl have space, especially because she seemed so uncomfortable sharing anything. That was until she finally said it.

"God Kat...I'm-"

"Don't say you're sorry, Trix" She finished bitterly, "I hate that the most"

Trixie became politely quiet, placing the dish down and returning to Katyas side, giving her the floor. The Russian looked up, mouthing a silent sorry for snapping at her which Trixie waved off.

"The most fucked up part," Katya continued, shifting and fidgeting more and more with each word "is I had no idea until about half an hour ago"

Trixie was officially confused.

"So that's... not why you're crying?"

"No, it definitely is" She smirked weakly, "I relapsed, and its almost like I subconsciously knew it was today. It's like I wanted to be self destructive on the day my addict mother fucking died. I've become the spitting image of her"

Trixie instinctively laced her fingers through her roomates. Katya's eyes glanced down at their intwined hands quickly, but looked away just as fast, as if it were too painful to witness.

"Tell me about her"

"Tell you about her?"

"Tell me what she was like, what your relationship was like, anything you want to share" She affirmed, squeezing Katyas hand lightly, "I want to know about her"

"There's just...not much to say" She muttered, "She was an addict and a deeply damaged woman, unfit to be a wife or mother. She was temperamental and bitter and so fucking sad... and I loved her so much"

Trixie felt tears falling but chose to ignore them, keeping her focus. Katya luckily didn't notice.

"And she loved me too...I think. She never neglected me, eventhough I wish she would've sometimes. She was always ontime to get me from school, coming to all my shitty art fairs no matter how turnt she was. She didn't cook for me much, but when she did it was always delicious. She never hit me or cussed me out, even when I got into serious trouble, which I realise is the bare minimum but I guess with her it's a win of sorts"

Trixie laughed weakly at that, making Katya turn to see her again. She finally saw the tears streaming down her face, and instinctively reached out and brushed the tears away with her free hand. Trixie sighed, leaning into the touch. She then, much to Katyas shock, tilted her hand and kissed her palm, sending electricity though Katyas body. If she wasn't such a mess she mightve pinned her down there and then.

"What the fuck are you thinking, do you not know a platonic kiss when you see one?"

"I guess I had more to say than I thought" She managed to laugh after shaking the thought off, making Trixie smile in return.

"As you can probably guess, she died of liver cancer. It was really aggressive, spreading to her lungs fast and killing her in months. I wasn't the greatest kid before all that, going out partying too young and causing trouble at school. But after she died...I didn't recognise myself"

"Recognise yourself?"

"Yeah, I practically blacked out for a month following it. I didn't come home for a week following the night she died, my dad chased me around Boston trying to get me to. And once I did I was just a shivering withdrawal ridden shell. I put him though hell when he was also in such pain. We barely talk because he rightfully hasnt forgiven me for it"

"He will, Kat."

"You don't know my dad, he's always gonna be hurt by this" She muttered, "He has barely spoken to me since"

"Maybe, but he'll still forgive you someday. You can acknowledge someone's reparations and forgive them while still accepting that hurt you feel" She finished, feeling her tears start to dry, "I forgave my ex, doesn't mean that pain she put me through is suddenly gone, yknow?"

Katya smiled a small, weak smile as she looked into Trixie's eyes again.

"Can I ask something?"

"Yeah"

"Why did you move rooms? I'm guessing college didn't start long after this happened to you" She ventured, her mind racing at the possible reasons.

"...because I overdosed in front of my first flatmate"

"...What?" Trixie felt her heart drop. That wasn't what she expected at all, despite the topic at hand.

Katya grinned darkly, giving a thumbs up to try and make some kind of sarcastic light of that statement. The sight of the Russians mascara stained faceforcing a smile was hauntingly sad.

"I couldn't show my face to that poor girl again, so I asked to move" Kat forced out, her discomfort at the topic at its peak as her hand shook in Trixie's grasp.

"Fuck. I knew you liked to party, but I had literally no idea"

"I hide it well. I mean when you asked that time in the car I immediately snapped at you to make you drop it"

"Oh shit, I forgot about that entirely. I shouldn't have asked-"

"It's okay, Trix. I feel such a weight gone now" She reassured, "I'm glad I have nothing to hide"

"I have just been on weed and alcohol since the OD, but that pill from that weird outing the other night gave me a taste for it again"

"Do you ever plan to be fully sober?"

"Maybe, I don't know when I'll get to that point though, it won't be for a while"

"I think you should give it a try, Kats"

She looked up at Trixie, and Trixie stared back at those familiar electric eyes, the gaze they put her under was intoxicating, how she ever dealt with it that first time they met she had no idea.

"Yeah okay...I'll give it a try"

How had they got here in what was only about 2 months friendship, give or take. It felt like years at this point. And these feelings were only getting more and more intense. Trixie held her gaze and looked back for a handful of seconds, before suddenly tensing up.

"You okay? Did I say too much-"

"Nono, not at all" Trixie said firmly, shutting down the anxiety, "I am just, frazzled"

"Yeah, I've come in a hurricane haven't I" She laughed.

"I'm glad you did, though" Trixie spoke, squeezing Katyas hands inside hers. Katya sighed, her eyelids becoming heavy all of a sudden.

"Tired?"

"Yeah...just a little" She smiled, leaning forward onto Trixie's lap, resting her head. They sat silent for a moment while Trixie let her heart settle.

"Alright, let's get to bed, shall we?"

"..."

She was already out. She'd never looked so at ease, free of whatever anxiety could plague her. Trixie felt her eyes well at the sight.