~hetalia diaries~ (one shots)

1- Russia

I feel like I'm an awful person for feeling like this. (Depressing way to start) I feel like I'm trapped, I dont know. I'm happy in my current relationship (when was this?) (I think this was when him and Alfred was on and off) but I'm not entirely sure. It's not like I hate him, I like him. But that's it. (Oo shit) there's no love involved. I think the reason im even staying is to prove that I can be in a relationship and that I won't leave. I keep breaking up with him, but im really trying. I thought it was because I cant do relationships, but I think now it's more down to the fact I cant catch feelings again. (Oh you poor bear) there was feelings at the start, but they slowly disappeared. You know, I had hope this time would be different. I thought he would be different. How can he not sense the pattern, its almost like he isn't trying either. That's fine. (Jesus)

But what isn't fine is the amount he crys about me leaving him again. So that's automatically putting me in a place where I cant break it off without doing something wrong. I know I look like this shit doesn't get to me, but every time he crys, begging me to stay I die a little inside and I bleed through the wound. Every moment, every fight is constantly on replay in my head and I will never be free from it. But he doesn't care. He doesn't care what he does to me. He's too focused on the blind neediness that he calls love. He doesn't love me, he finds comfort in familiarity. I'm not even totally sure he loved me in the first place. I dont know. All I know is I'm at his mercy, I cant simply walk away this time.

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"Well, that was a lot to unpack-" I sighed, closing the book.
"Poor Ivan. He doesn't deserve that." Romano replied softy.