Everything Changes

Chapter 29: Forgiveness

                                                                             Aria's P.O.V

    It felt like I was drowning in a sea of darkness for some time now. And I couldn't tell which way was up. Where was I? How long has it been? "I'm so sorry, Aria." The voice sounded faint and far away but I knew that voice anywhere. Ryder? He sounded so heart broken.I tried swimming towards it but it was like trying to swim against a current. I wanted to scream but nothing was coming out. "Maybe when you wake up we can go back?...."

    Go back? Go back where? His words were swirling around me. 'Wake up?' Was I not awake right now? Was this a dream? Is this why I feel like I am drifting away? If this was a dream then why did I feel so cold? It felt so real. Was I dying? What was the last thing that I could remember? I searched my mind but it was blank.

    My right arm jerked as it came into contact with warmth. Was he holding my hand? The warmth felt so comforting. There was slight pressure where the warmth was. He must have squeezed my hand. I wanted to squeeze back desperately . It was a weak attempt but I tried to. It almost took all my strength and it was probably useless...yet I needed it to work.

    Where did he go? It had gone completely silent. The darkness was threatening to swallow me whole. It felt like I was sinking further. Where did you go Ryder? "Goodbye, Aria Nova." Goodbye? Wait. Ryder please don't leave me. His voice was fading and I tried desperately to hang on. DON'T GO.

     My eyes started to flutter open yet I couldn't fully open them. It's hard to see past the harsh light. It's so bright. As bright as the headlights that were coming straight for us. There's a small buzzing sound. A voice?

     "Aria?" My dad's voice. He's screaming at me. No please make it stop.This can't be happening. Please make it stop. I looked at his face. His mouth was moving but I couldn't make out what he was saying. What was he saying? "It's all your fault." Pain shot through my heart. As the lights got blinding bright and the truck smashed into us.

    My eyes flew open. I was dripping in sweat. My heart was thumping so fast that it felt as if it could stop at any moment. I wanted to scream and cry but nothing was coming out.

    There was pressure against my hand. Glancing over towards my right. I see my mother with a concerned look on her face holding my hand. I could tell her maternal side wanted to ask questions but her professional side was winning.

    The machine beeping behind me caught my attention for a second. Stuff started to slowly piece together. I was in the hospital. Panic slowly started to sink in from reliving the accident with my dad. Him telling me it was all my fault. I wanted to move but the rest of my body felt numb.

    I tried to look around but the hospital lights were shining too brightly and threatening to drag me back. I was caught in my mind of the past and the present. I had to keep telling myself that I wasn't back in the past. My mom holding my hand was the only thing keeping me grounded. It reminded me of the dream I had that Ryder was here holding my hand. Thinking of Ryder hurt as it made memories of the hurtful stuff he said to me come flooding back.

    Pain shot through my head. It was like my heart was breaking all over again. I was overcome with emotions. Everything was playing in my head like a movie and the next scene hurt me more. Because I caused another accident. Derek... Getting in the car with him. Not knowing he was under the influence of something.

    Oh god. Is he okay? I couldn't ask anything, my throat was so dry. "Here you go, sweetheart drink this." She held the water to my mouth and helped me. My throat burned as the coldness of the water hit. It felt good. "Slow down. You are gonna choke." She was right. But it was a small price to pay to be able to ask an important question.