The Merciless Stud (Hot Trans Series #3)

Chapter 39

He stared at me for more than a minute. Titig na titig lang siya sa akin. His pale face is giving him away but the void in his eyes is keeping him still. I kept my stoic face and didn't break our eye contact. I want to give an air of strong and unwavering demand of explanation from him. I want him to sense my seriousness about this matter. Because I know that one blink of my eyes and he will immediately take that to his advantage again and get away with this. And I won't let him.

Tumayo ako mula sa upuan at lumapit sakaniya. Nang nasa harap niya na ako ay kinuha ko ang kamay niya at mariing hinawakan iyon. I snatched his dirty laundry and threw it away somewhere. Ipinatong ko agad ang bagay na iyon sa palad niya habang hindi pinuputol ang titigan namin.

"What is this." Mariin kong sabi. His jaw clenched. Kinuyom niya ang bagay na iyon at tinapon sa gilid. He held my waist and pulled me closer. Agad akong nanlaban at umatras. I sensed his instant panic.

"B..." He sighed. Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay.

"Answer me, Tyson Matheus." I gritted my teeth. He shut his eyes tightly. I felt his hands on my waist shook. Naka-kapit pa rin ang mga iyon sa'kin kahit umatras na ako ng isang hakbang.

"B, please. I, uh... listen." He can't seem to find the right words.

"I am. Now, explain." Pinilit kong kalmahin ang sarili ko nang maisip na baka iniintimida ko siya nang sobra. Naalala ko agad na hindi madali sakaniya ang mag-open up. I let out a deep sigh and tried to be as welcoming as I can be for him. Kahit sobrang tensyonado ng buong sistema ko.

"Why do you have something like that? Were you using that on me? Have you been using that?" I asked in a calm tone. His breathing is becoming more labored as time goes by.

Ilang segundo siyang hindi kumibo bago nagpaka-wala ng buntong hininga at umigting ang panga. Ramdam na ramdam ko ang pag-hihirap niya.

"Y-yes." Tipid niyang sabi at umiwas ng tingin. Nag-huramentado agad ang dibdib ko. I felt a pang of pain in my chest. Tila may matinis na tunog na pumasok sa teynga ko at wala na akong ibang marinig kung hindi ang mabibigat at mabilis kong pag-hinga.

"W-why?" My voice broke and my tears immediately formed and at bay. He groaned and tried to cup my cheeks but I blocked it.

"Fuck. I'm sorry, B."

"No... tell me, please." Nagmamakaawa kong sabi habang naka-tingala sakaniya ang mga mata kong nanunubig. He shut his eyes tightly again. He then let out a deep sigh for God knows how many times already.

Sa pag-kawala ng hininga niya at sa pag-tama niyon sa mukha ko ay naalala ko bigla ang sinabi niya noong isang gabi. Shit! I already have confronted him about this! Tinanong ko siya kung ano iyong naaamoy kong matapang at nakaka-hilong aroma. I actually asked him twice about it already! And as usual, he refused to answer. Aniya'y hindi pa siya handa'ng pag-usapan iyon. I respected that and didn't insist because I was so tired at the time and I also understand that he really has a struggle in opening up about certain things in his life.

Pero hindi ko na siguro kaya pang palampasin na naman ulit ito. I feel like we would never be truly connected and at peace if this continues. We need to be transparent as much as we can and be comfortable with each other's differences and flaws. Or at least, for me. I need it that way.

Ilang segundo niya pa akong tinititigan lang na tila tinatantya ang disposisyon ko bago nag-salita.

"I had been using it for years now. Before you. I'm sorry." Amin niya at yumuko. Nabanaag ko ang hiya sa mukha niya kaya mas lalong kumirot ang puso ko.

"Stop saying sorry, please. I want you to enlighten me." Sabi ko sa nanginginig na boses. He nodded. Naka-yuko pa rin. Tuliro ang mga mata at hindi maka-tingin sa mga mata ko.