32. Heroes are for Sandwiches

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"The only good hero is a dead hero."—Every Villain Ever

"Without heroes, villains would sit around all day in their overpriced lairs, petting hairless cats, while forcing underpaid minions to listen to their boring monologues."—Brittanie Charmintine, Author

The sheer quantity of deadly transportation devices in magical lands is mind-boggling

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The sheer quantity of deadly transportation devices in magical lands is mind-boggling. I knew about the dragons. Broomsticks. Winged unicorns. Teleportation. Flying carpets. Tornado-driven homes (that poor witch!)

Those I could accept.

But flying moths? And not just any moths, but giant death moths. The skulls emblazoned on their thoraxes reminded me of the warnings on our kitchen cupboard's poisonous household cleansers. Don't drink the stuff if you want to continue breathing. So why would I get on board such a dangerous portent of doom?

Good question. Glad you asked.

Okay, that's a lie.

I prefer to tell my story uninterrupted, but I know you're wondering, so what choice do I have?

The answer: I was trying to be a hero.

And no, not the sandwich kind of hero. I am not a sandwich! I am a wicked-witch!

Stop laughing! Remember, I can turn you into toads! Maybe.

Okay, you're right. I was made from evil magic, and that might make hero-ing a non-starter for me. But maybe, just maybe, if I did this one good thing—helped my sister achieve her dream—I might qualify as a hero, or at least, hero adjacent.

The moths swooped down in one syncopated unit, like a burial shroud tossed in the air; their red eyes all seemed to be trained on me, and I gave the whole hero idea a second thought

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The moths swooped down in one syncopated unit, like a burial shroud tossed in the air; their red eyes all seemed to be trained on me, and I gave the whole hero idea a second thought. I gulped. My stomach twisted. Twirled. Lurched. Told me quite clearly that being a hero was plain dumb.

I managed to release myself from Olivia's grasp and backed into the relative safety of the tree trunk.

Olivia jammed her fists onto her hips. "What are you doing?"

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