Is this a Phanfic or real life? (Phan)

Where do I turn?

As difficult as it was for us couch potatoes, Dan and I managed to stand up somehow and go do something productive.

Well, not exactly productive... We were just going to horse around filming a bit in his upcoming video. Dan explained the slight prank to his fans he was pulling by making this video, and how he wondered whether they would get the joke or not.

The video was to be called "DAN IS ON FIRE" and contain his special Sexy Endscreen music video 'gone wrong'.

I giggled almost uncontrollably as I heard him explain this, and I had to cover my mouth.

"Dan, that is absurd. But then again, I probably wouldn't have gotten the joke either if you hadn't explained it to me just now" I admitted.

My bestfriend rolled his chocolate eyes at my response and sighed sarcastically, "I swear your soul is blonde Phil. I would've loved for you to participate in this as a fan to see if you understood the prank but I needed your help more than anything."

I know he needed my help but, more than anything? Well alright...

"Right so you just want me to act a fool with these torches then? Well I hope I don't accidentally set you on fire..." I winked at him as he paused for a second, then realized what a sarcastic ASs I am.

"Very funny Mr. Lester. Now grab them torches and light 'em up up up...!"

Chuckling in response to Dan's Fall Out Boy reference, I lit the torches and stood in front of the camera as Dan turned on the Sexy Endscreen music beat.

I stood there awkwardly with the flamesticks as Dan finished his intro and began to move closer and thrust his hips into the camera like normal.

I couldn't help but stare, if I'm honest with you. I mean, that's nothing abnormal right? Who wouldn't be slightly amused by those actions?

I lost my train of thought as Dan snapped his fingers in my face and began repositioning his camera to film my torch bits.

It only took a couple seconds of basic knee-bouncing movement and the dropping of one of the flamesticks before I was done.

"Thankyou Philip, your assistance was much appreciated." Dan thanked me in an oddly mature sort of manner.

I told him it was alright, and headed back off to my room, leaving him behind to finish the rest of his video.

As I opened my bedroom door, my eyes immediately darted towards my laptop.

I smiled to myself and took a glance round my shoulder, as I somehow felt paranoid already about what I had secretly started.

Well, I don't mean to make 'started' sound like something horrible and unforgivable. I was just trying to get to the bottom of these Phanfics I guess... Kind of figure them out.

Honestly though, this one was really great. I'm sort of fangirling over it on the inside, as I've always thought about these sort of things.

I've always been a bit curious about Dan, for as long as I can remember. It wasn't overwhelming to where I wanted to explode, but I had this odd feeling that it was headed down that path.

Shrugging, I sat back down in my usual position on the bean-bag chair, re-opening Google Chrome to the most recent page in my history.

As I read the words "Phan: it means nothing" at the top, a smile creeped up upon my lips that I couldn't control.

I was 10 chapters in already, with 6 more to go. Even though I was reading about myself and my bestfriend, it felt odd, as if I wasn't in control of my own actions.

Well of course I wasn't in control of the story, but I would be if this were a real-life situation. I secretly hoped to myself that it would be...

My character was about to confess his feelings for Dan, explaining how he couldn't go on with all this meaningless lust without hearing that it meant something to him.

Just as I was about to read Dan's response in the story, the real Dan came down the hall and opened my door.

"Phil ohmygod, I think I'm finally do- w... What is that?" Dan pointed at my laptop as I hurriedly switched it over to another tab, which happened to be twitter.

"What Dan? I'm just replying to some fans..." I attempted to lie, while on the inside already knowing I failed because there was no doubt that he saw what I was actually up to.

"Phil I'm not fucking retarded. Don't bullshit me and act like I didn't see what you were reading. Those sick, twisted fanfics about us. 'Phan'. Why? Why on earth would you read that if you hate it as much as you claimed to?" Dan raised his voice to a hushed roar, trying not to be disturbingly loud, but also get the point across that he wasn't too pleased.

I sighed before I spoke, using it as an extra second to think of a response.

"Dan, I... It's not what you think. I was just curious as to what they were, and what they said about us. Honest. What did you think I'd be reading them for?" I questioned him in response, which made his fury-stained features clench a bit tighter.

"I'm pretty sure the answer to that is obvious. Look, you better not be trying to be all cute and attempt to get with me, cause I can tell you right now that it ain't gonna happen." His reply was as cold as his soul seemed to be within that moment, making me question if this was even the same Dan I thought I knew.

"I never said anything like that, Dan. Don't just assume things, you'll end up flying off the handle like you already have." I shot back at him.

As devastated as I was to know how he really felt about all this, especially since I DID love him, I couldn't control my anger towards him with the way he's being.

"I'm just being real with you dude, and if you can't take it then maybe you should go out for a while." He suggested, slightly more calm that his previous comebacks.

Neither of us had to say another word, because I responded with action this time.

I snatched up my phone, while secretly grabbing my blade placed beneath it, and headed out the front door, slamming it behind me as hard as I could.

I took off running to places unknown, not glancing back even once. I really hoped I didn't run into any fans because now was absolutely NOT the best time.

Eventually I found a small cave, almost like a secret hide-out. It smelt of dirt and rotten things slightly, but it was isolated and filled with darkness, just like I felt at the time.

I pulled the blade out from my back pocket and carefully removed it from the plastic bag that surrounded it.

It pressed into my skin, breaking it and releasing my blood slowly but more increasingly as the cut gained size.

I bit my lip as I sliced near a vein, but stopped as I needed to think a few things over first.

I knew for damn sure that I was not going back 'home' straight away. I did not want to see Dan in his seemingly satanic form just yet.

Honestly I wasn't sure at all what I was gonna do just yet, so I just sunk to the ground and allowed myself to bleed.