Pride and Prejudice short stories

Confession

The door opened, and a maid peered out, "Yes, sir?"

"I've come to see Miss Bennet," I said hurriedly; my heart was pounding.

"I beg your pardon, sir, but Miss Eliza has a headache right now, and I don't think-"

"Please!" I exclaimed, much louder than I had intended. She must have seen the desperation in my eyes and subtly nodded and opened the door.

I followed her down the hall and then around a corner. I didn't see any of it; my nerves were too high. It felt like they threatened to skyrocket out of me as the maid opened a door.

There she was.

"Forgive me. I hope you are feeling better," I said as I ambled past Eliza.

"I am, thank you," I could hear the confusion in her voice, and I turned from my place near the hearth as she continued, "Will you not sit down?" I stared at her as she sat beside a little table, her hands folded in her lap.

I willed myself to say something, but I couldn't. I was focusing on breathing and calming my pulse at the present moment.

The palms of my hands were sweating, and I clasped them behind my back. I glanced up at Eliza; she was looking at me expectedly.

I swallowed, then turned and sank into the nearest chair. Suddenly my legs felt awkward as I tried to get comfortable; my tailored suit suddenly too hot.

I stood up again and paced around the room, I probably looked like an idiot, but I couldn't face her just yet. She said nothing during my internal battle, and I knew she was just as confused as I was.

I walked up to her, the floorboards creaking under my feet, and stopped only a few feet away. She raised her eyebrows and studied my face.

I couldn't take it anymore.

"In vain, I have struggled; it will not do," I burst out, "My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you."

Shock flashed across her face.

I went on, my mouth working on its own accord, "In declaring myself thus, I'm aware that I will be going expressly against the wishes of my family, my friends, and I hardly need to add my own better judgment."

Elizabeth stared at me.

I continued, "The relative situation of our families is such that any alliance between us must be regarded as a reprehensible connection. As a rational man, I cannot but regard it as such myself, but it cannot be helped," I paused, my heart thundering in my chest, I hoped that she could not hear it, "Almost from the earliest moments of our acquaintance, I have come to feel for you... a passionate admiration and regard, which has overcome every rational objection despite my struggles, and I beg you, most fervently, to relieve my suffering and consent to be my wife."

There I had said it.

And my heart sang with new meaning, but as I looked at Eliza's face- it felt like cold water had washed over me.

"In such cases as these, I believe the established mode is to express a sense of obligation, but I cannot." She said, her voice devoid of any emotion. "I have never desired your good opinion, and you have certainly bestowed it most unwillingly," Her eyes had left my face. "I'm sorry to cause pain to anyone, but it was most unconsciously done, and I hope it will be of short duration." She lifted her gaze back up to me, her face cold.

It was like a blow to the stomach, and I didn't know what else to do, so I turned and walked toward the hearth and stared at the intricate little swirls lining the edge.

I took a breath. My chest felt empty. "And this is all the reply I am to expect?" I said quietly; her face didn't change. "I might wonder why I am rejected with so little effort at civility." Cold anger and shame were building up in my stomach.

"And I might wonder why with so evident a desire to offend and insult me, you chose to tell me you liked me against your will, against your reason, and even against your character." She fired back, "Was this not some excuse for incivility if I was uncivil?"

I looked out the window but saw nothing.

Eliza went on, "I have every reason to think ill of you. Do you think any consideration would tempt me to accept the man who had been the means of ruining the happiness of a most beloved sister?" My head snapped around. "Can you deny that you have done it?" Eliza challenged.

"I have no wish to deny it!" I sneered, my voice sounding unlike anything I had heard before. "I did everything in my power to separate my friend from your sister, and I rejoice in my success."

I saw the blow on Eliza but continued, muttering, "Towards him, I have been kinder than towards myself."

"But it is not merely that on which my dislike of you is founded, long before it had taken place. My dislike of you was decided when I heard Mr. Wickham's story of your dealing with him! How can you defend yourself in that subject."

My jaw fell open, and I couldn't help at how loud I was when I exclaimed, "And you take an eager interest in that gentleman's concerns!" I started pacing around the room, my head in disarray.

"Who that knows of his misfortunes have been, can't help feeling an interest in him!"

"His misfortunes! Yes, his misfortunes have been great indeed!" I said sarcastically and let out a bitter laugh.

"And of your infliction!" Eliza cried, "You have reduced him to his present poverty state, yet you can treat his misfortunes with contempt and ridicule!" Tears were in her eyes, and the sight quenched my anger slightly. I stopped pacing and said in a low, quiet voice, "And this is your opinion of me? My faults by this calculation are heavy indeed." I stalked back to her, "Perhaps these offenses might have been overlooked had not your pride been hurt by the honest confession of the scruples which had long prevented my forming any serious design on you." My anger rose again. Eliza was still sitting, glowering up at me, the tears gone from her eyes. "Had I concealed my struggles and flattered you, But disguise of every sort is my abhorrence," She dropped eye contact. I went on mercilessly, "Nor am I ashamed of the feelings I related. They were natural and just." I drew a shaky breath, "Did you expect me to rejoice in the inferiority of your connections?" Elizabeth shot out of her seat, her eyes blazing, and turned away. "To congratulate me on the hope of relations, whose condition in life is so decidedly below my own?"

"You are mistaken, Mr. Darcy." Elizabeth said calmly, "The mode of your declaration merely spared me any concern I might have felt in refusing you, had you behaved more gentlemanly."

My head went silent.

"You could not have made me the offer of your hand in any possible way that would tempt me to accept it,"

My heart broke.

"From the very beginning, your manners impressed me with the fullest belief of your arrogance, your conceit, and your selfish disdain for the feelings of others. I had not known you a month before I felt that you were the last man in the world whom I could ever marry!"

I had never been more in pain. I couldn't breathe right or think right, and it felt as if my world had been crushed. I looked at Elizabeth, this woman I had fallen so hard for; she had destroyed me.

"You have said quite enough, madam," I whispered hoarsely, "I perfectly comprehend your feelings...and now have only to be ashamed of what my own have been." I stared at a spot on the wall behind Elizabeth, "Please forgive me for having taken up your time and...." I swallowed, "accept my best wishes for your health and happiness,"

And I turned and left the room.