XVII

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Enjoyyyy

Alani
June 17, 2023

It's been two weeks since everything happened with Mikey and I couldn't stop showering. I know I'm drying my skin out with how many showers I'm taking, but I will forever feel dirty after what happened. The fact that I was raped by someone who my boyfriend considered a best friend and brother not too long ago doesn't sit right with me, and I know it damn sure isn't sitting right with Marcus. I thank God that I wasn't in too much of a shock to ask the hospital staff for an emergency contraceptive because I would have for sure gotten an abortion if I had ended up pregnant by him. I haven't been back to Marcus' house since the incident but he understands. Speaking of Marcus, I love that man so much. He was already gentle and caring way before everything happened, but he's been extra attentive and helpful lately. I know he feels guilty about what happened because he wasn't here to protect me but I keep telling him that he can't blame hisself for that crazy ass man's actions. I pray and thank God every single day that Mikey ended up going to the hospital for the beating that Jason gave him because the police took his ass to jail straight from the hospital after they spoke with me the day after it happened. I know the men in jail are going to have a field day with him.

"Baby!" I heard Marcus calling my name as I stepped out of the shower. I quickly dried off and threw on a pair of sweats along with a tank top before he walked in the bathroom. "Hey beautiful." He said as he walked over to me. He tried to kiss me but I turned my head so that he could kiss my cheek. I feel guilty as hell for the simple fact that Mikey's mouth was once on mine. Granted I didn't kiss him back, but still. I feel like I could have used a little more force and tried a little harder to get him off of me.

"Hey baby." I smiled softly. He looked at me for a minute before talking again.

"How are you feeling?" He asked as he wrapped his arms around me. I sighed as I leaned into him and hugged him back. As corny, cheesy and cliche as it may sound, Marcus' arms have been my safe and comfort place for the past two weeks. I've been paranoid as fuck whenever I'm home alone with the girls. Marcus hasn't been to the shop since it happened, but he does go out a few times during the day to get food or go to the store. Right now he's just getting back from dropping Milani and Ariyah off to Janae. She's been dying to get the girls and since Marcus wants to take me out this evening she agreed to watch them for us.

"I'm good baby, just taking everything one day at a time." I said. He nodded as he rubbed my back.

"I love you." He said as he kissed the top of my head making me smile. "And you know it's not your fault right?" He asked me as he pulled away and looked down at me. I bit my lip and nodded. He has been telling me everyday for the past two weeks that it's not my fault and although I truly do know that deep down, I can't help but feel like I could have tried just a tad bit harder to prevent things from going as far as they did.

"I love you more Marcus, and yes I know baby. It's not your fault either by the way." I said as I looked at him while wiping some lint off of his face. "And I'm sorry that I haven't kissed you since it happened. I'm just feeling guilty." I said to him. Even saying it out loud makes me feel like shit because I know how much he loves kissing me and kissing on me.

"I think we both know that it's neither one of our fault, but because it happened it's going to take us both a while to get over it and move on." He said as he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. "And don't apologize for that mama. You had something traumatic happen to you, and I know certain shit makes you uncomfortable. Even though you know I wouldn't do no shit like that to you, I get why you're so jumpy and not up for certain things. I get it and I'll wait as long as I have to until you're ready for that type of physical touch from me. I don't mind." He said as he kissed my forehead. My heart fluttered at his words, if I wasn't already in love with Marcus I definitely would be after what he just said. The fact that he's so patient and caring makes me want to curl up in a ball and cry because I want nothing more than to kiss him and have him fuck my brains out, but mentally I'm not ready for that just yet.

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