Invisible

JESSIE

I CLOSE MY NOTEBOOK, stare at the cover. My grandfather gave it to me on my seventeenth birthday, told me it was a journal my mother never got to use.  It was supposed to be inspirational, filled with bible verses and philosophical phrases…

It’s all bullshit to me. As if God is going to save me from what’s happening to me, save me from the person I have to live with, what he’s going to do. What’s the point of inspiration if it’s unrealistic?

I look up, outside. Jeremy’s outside, talking to him, and I feel every lie stab me as I try to make out what he’s saying.

Mark says she’s going crazy.

You know, hallucinating, making up lies.

I don’t know, Mark wouldn’t tell me what she was lying about. I just know it was bad enough to send her to a therapist.

Then he looks up at me, his blue eyes way brighter than I remember. He smiles, and just for a second I smile back, forget what happened last summer, nearly half an hour ago.  It’s as if I’m alright, as if nothing ever happened. My smile fades when I see the look on Jeremy’s face, and I remember.

Bark met my face.

He keeps glaring at me, green eyes threatening to tear me apart, muscles straining as if he were about to break me in half. Just when I think he will, his attention breaks, focuses on the black Mercedes pulling into the driveway, Mark’s fiancée sitting in the front seat. I remember the day I met her, and I wondered why Mark fell for her. I mean, of course he’d like her. She’s sweet, but she’s just so… different. Her name fits her perfectly: Jessie. Imagine a middle-aged woman with cowboy boots and eyes filled with joy. She listens to hardcore country music, loves to wear faded plaid shirts, sleeves rolled over her elbows. She has long curly blonde hair, which is often pulled into two braids that fall beneath her shoulders, and bright green eyes. But her biggest trait? She loves her son, more than anything or anyone.

To make a long story short, she’s nothing like Mark, and I still wonder what they actually see in each other.

I watch Jeremy as he walks toward the driver’s side, opens the door for his mother. She steps out of the car, smiles at him as he slams the door. Then she glances up at my window and her eyes gleam as she runs toward the front door. I can hear her boots clack as she runs up the stairs, opens my door.

“Hey!” she screams, her soft country accent engulfing the room.

Oh… great…

“Mm.” I force a fake smile as I set my journal down onto my pillow, stand up. Her arms are held wide open for me, and as she hugs me I try not to squirm. I hate being touched, being close to people. Whenever I am, it takes me back to Jeremy.

His fists.

And that’s not somewhere I want to be.

“How have you been?” she asks as she pulls away. I sigh.

Take a wild guess.

I shrug. Jessie may be sweet, but she’s also senseless. She doesn’t notice my silence, doesn’t pretend to care. Doesn’t really matter to me, how oblivious she is.

Just one more person to ignore.

Leaves, dirt, everything hit me.

Pain growing deep, so much of it I couldn’t scream.

 “This year’s been hell! You ever tried planning a wedding?”

Hmm, seems more like a funeral to me.