Invisible

ENOUGH

EIGHTEEN SEEMS ALL THE SAME TO ME. I never really understood why birthdays are celebrated. I mean, it’s just another year of living. Wow, let’s get a cake…

Somehow, none of that matters to me. You could throw me a party, you could buy me a cake, but what’s going to be different about my life?

Nothing. A number can’t change what’s going to happen to me

Jeremy walks through my bedroom door, his eyes ready to rip me open.

“You think you’re funny, don’t you?” he asks as he walks toward me, his hand smacking me across the face. I stand up straight, look into his eyes. They look horrible and disturbed, the angriest I’ve ever seen them.

“What are you talking about?” I ask as I rub my cheek. He hits me again, this time my body strewn across the floor.

“You think you’re funny. That’s all. You think you have the right to tell someone they shouldn’t be with me.” He chuckles, a malicious smile appearing. “You’re just a fucking bitch who wants to have it her own way.”

A harsh kick to my side. As painful as it is, I bring myself to my knees, then my feet, my eyes glued to his.

“Anna told you I said that?”

“You bet she did. I’m guessing what I told you isn’t working anymore, so maybe doing it will.”

I ball my fists, irritation taking over.

“If you wanted to rape her, you would have done so already. What, you think you have supreme authority over me or—”

Another hit across my face, sending my voice out, a high shriek. Then he pushes me onto my bed, falls over me.

“You really don’t know when to shut up…” he hesitates when I start hitting him back, my arms flailing around, trying to hit him hard enough to back off. He grabs hold of my arms, pins them down. “Do what I say. You owe me that much for the shit you pulled.”

His hands find me, and my voice keeps working, harsh words I should have said before finding their way out.

“I don’t owe you anything.” My legs kick at him, and he shifts to hold me down.

“Oh, you think I’m joking?” he asks as he tugs at my skirt, his hands moving under, “Because it won’t be a joke when I’m doing this to Anna tonight… God, she’s so incredible, you know? She actually fucking appreciates me, and…” he hesitates, “You’re not listening to me?”

I’m not looking at him because I don’t want to see what he’s thinking. Instead, I’m staring up at the ceiling, wondering where Aiden could possibly be. Five minutes late.

Five minutes is too long.

“I don’t listen to bullshit.”

“Fuck you,” Jeremy says, the back of his hand crashing into my face again. I keep my eyes open this time, ready to face what he’s doing to me, to feel everything he’s doing to me.

His body pushes me one last time, pain firing up my back. Someone’s downstairs, at the door. The doorbell rings several times, Jeremy pulling away from me, his lips pressing to mine.

“Get ready,” he whispered when he pulled away, “It’s your birthday, your night. I’ll go get Aiden.”

He climbs off of me, zips his jeans up, and walks out into the hallway. Anger is still present, still flaring across my body. I can’t move, a severed thought running through my head.

Any girl would be lucky to have me…

Many other girls would appreciate me…

I don’t believe him anymore, and I shouldn’t have in the first place. All this time, he’s seen me with Aiden, having a good time. He’s watched his plan fall completely apart, and now his relationship with Anna is his last resort.

But I still don’t believe he’d do anything to her. I’m the only one dumb enough to fall for it.

But I won’t anymore.

 “Emma?!” Aiden calls from downstairs.

I stand up, walk into my bathroom, and slam the door. But when I see my reflection, my stomach drops. I need a sweater, the bruise on my left collarbone too visible. My bones feel brittle, broken, Jeremy’s fists crashing into them every second. God, I’m tired of all of this. I’m tired of being invisible, of not being able to see what I am anymore, seeing this ugly girl I can’t stand. I’m tired of everyone thinking I’m perfect when underneath the layers I’m nothing but a victim… I’m tired of being just that.

I’m tired of my voice going unused.

Someone knocks on the door, making me jump back to reality.

“Emma?” Aiden asks, “Come on, we don’t want to be late.”

I stand up straight, pull my hair over my collarbone, hunch my shoulders over to keep it from swaying the other way. Then I walk out of my bathroom, downstairs, outside into Aiden’s truck. Not one word, not one look. Just go.

I climb into his truck, slam the door. Anna’s sitting behind the driver’s seat, slouching as if she were already bored with me before I climbed in. I turn toward her, frown.

“Anna?” I ask.

“Don’t talk to me,” she says, “Don’t think I’ve forgiven you yet.”

I sigh regretfully I turn around, watch Aiden walk toward the truck, Jeremy nowhere in sight. He climbs into the truck as I look out of my window, bring my knees to my chest. I can feel him watching me.

His fist crashed into me, then his body.

“Emma?” he asks.

And then he was inside of me…

“I’m okay,” I say quickly. I don’t want to tell him yet, not while Jeremy’s still within reach. I buckle my seatbelt before I lean back in the seat, close my eyes, remain silent.

I just want this to be over.

“Where’s Jeremy?” Anna asked as Aiden starts the truck, backs out of the driveway.

“He said he’ll catch up with us later.”

And I know for a fact that it’ll be over soon.