A kiss to tell ( jenlisa ) (GIP)

Part 17

J

It's weird being alone in this place without Lisa. I'm surprised she let me stay here at all. I'd planned on sneaking out in the morning and being weird on my own rather than weird with her.

The biggest fucking lie I've ever told myself is that this is just sex. Last night was more than sex for me.

I woke up a few hours after I'd passed out, and I couldn't get back to sleep. I was wide awake and so very aware of everything that happened. With her arm still around me, I wanted so badly to stay in that moment. The moment where it felt like she still wanted me.

I knew it would hurt down there, and at 4 a.m. every tiny shift in my body seemed to be connected to the ache between my legs. It still hurts now in the evening after. I knew it would. But I didn't expect the emotional change, the emotional pain that comes with it.

Not able to sleep, and knowing I'd made a fool of myself, I thought I'd sneak out, leave her a note, and let her decide if she still wanted me. If I was worth still being around or with, or whatever it is that we have going on. I wanted to make it easy for her because I knew what I was doing, and it wasn't fair to her not to tell her.

That was the conclusion I came to at four in the morning as I breathed in her scent one last time and felt the warmth of her chest at my back. I closed my eyes and savored that moment, memorizing it, just in case it would be the only moment I had like that with her. Of all the things that have happened between us, that's the one I wanted to hold on to.

Where she took from me what she needed, and I took from her what I needed.

With a deep and slow breath, I carefully crawled out of bed, taking my time and being as quiet and gentle as I could so I wouldn't wake her. It wasn't until my first foot hit the floor that I winced and seethed. It hurt more than I realized.

She woke up instantly, reaching behind her to turn on the lamp. She's so fucking beautiful. With sleep still in her eyes and she looked groggy but sexy as fuck. Maybe it's the way the light hit her, or maybe it's the hormones and lack of sleep, but I've never been more attracted to a woman before. I don't think I ever will be either.

"You all right?" Her voice was laced with sleep and accompanied by the bed groaning as she sat up.

"Lie back down, I'm fine," I whispered as if she was being ridiculous, although my heart pounded knowing I was trying to sneak out and failed.

I thought it through right then. She'd turn out the light and lie down, I'd go to the bathroom to clean up. After a while, when I thought she'd fallen asleep again, I'd sneak out and let her text me. I didn't want to risk taking the time to leave a note and making it more awkward than it already was if she caught me.

I could walk to my house from here and at this time of day, no one would be up. There would be no one to bother me on the short walk home.

"You aren't sneaking out, right?" Lisa questioned. "'Cause I want to wake up with you in the morning." She said it so definitively, so sincerely.

If there was ever a moment where I knew I was hers completely, it was then.

And that was over twelve hours ago.

Now I'm alone in her house wondering what to do with myself, other than snoop through her shit. Which has been a rather disappointing endeavor.

My phone pings as I close the last drawer in her dresser, finding nothing but a pair of her pajama pants. They're flannel and smell like her, so I slip them on and with my baggy t-shirt, I couldn't be more comfortable.

Sprawled out on her bed, I check my texts and bust out laughing. I'd texted Yeji, Sex is better than masturbation.

And she finally responded. Tell me who, you whore!