A kiss to tell ( jenlisa ) (GIP)

Part 19

J

Lisa's phone keeps going off. I thought it was in my dream at first.

My mother was hissing something. I still hear her words as my eyes flutter open. She said, She's lying to you. Her voice keeps me frozen under the warm sheets as the bed dips and Lisa sits up to grab her phone.

I'm motionless as Lisa moves. My mother was right here. I can still feel her. She was here.

Lisa's voice is groggy as I try to breathe and shake off the eerie feeling that my mother still haunts me in my sleep, even if I can't remember what the dream was.

She's lying to you.

"Yeah, what is it?" Lisa's voice sounds off. The worry that lingers in her tone grabs my full attention, leaving the thoughts of my mother and whatever had come to me in my sleep where it belongs, in the past. In my unconscious.

"No, no..." She rubs her brow and turns away from me as whoever it is who's called her talks loud enough that I can almost hear the replies on the other end. "I'm sorry," She says with a pained voice, "Yeah, yeah. Are you okay?"

The dread grows as I watch her, how she looks so hurt sitting on the edge of the bed and listening to whoever it is on the other line.

She swallows thickly before saying goodbye and tossing the phone on her nightstand. With her head hung low, I can hear her swallow.

"Who was it?" I dare to ask in a whisper as if speaking too loudly would cause the pain she's feeling to cut even deeper.

I scoot closer to her, but slowly as she lifts her head to answer, "Mashiho."

My stomach twists into a knot, just like the one in my heart as Lisa adds, "His mom died."

My throat is tight as the swell of sadness rises. I didn't know her at all, but I knew the end had to be closer after she was moved into their house for hospice.

It's devastating to lose your mother, whether you know it's coming or not.

"So much death." The words escape me slowly as I tally up the number of gravestones.

"I care more about him than any of those assholes." Lisa's tone is harsh and unforgiving. I peek over at her as she rubs the sleep from her eyes angrily, her feet on the floor while she still sits on the bed. I've never seen her look so tired, so ragged from everything and the pain of it all forces me to move closer to her, pushing the sheets and covers away to just hold her. I rest my cheek to her back and wrap my arms around her from behind.

"I'm sorry," I whisper against her back and then lift myself up, so I can plant a small kiss on her neck. "I'm so sorry," I tell her again.

I don't know how close she was with Mashiho's mom, but it doesn't matter. She's hurting. Lacing her fingers through mine, she kisses my inner wrist. "Are you okay?" she asks me, turning her head so she can look me in the eyes. Of all the things to ask, she wants to know if I'm all right.

Her eyes are red with lack of sleep, and there are dark bags under her eyes as well. I have to slip my hand from hers to cup her cheek and sit up to kiss her on her lips. A chaste, sweet kiss. My heart flutters every time I kiss her. It's an odd feeling, like a magnetic pull to her.

I brush her lips with the pad of my thumb and whisper to her, "It's not always about me, Lisa." With her name on my lips, I look her in the eyes and say, "I'll be okay."

"You're wrong," she tells me, shifting to sit so she's facing me. "It is always about you."

Her answer steals my breath, numbing me as she kisses my wrist again.

"You shouldn't say things like that." I can't help but tell her as the words come to me.

Her steely blue eyes catch me off guard; they pierce into me and hold me hostage as she asks, "And why is that?"

"You make me feel like I'm more to you than I am." The words come unbidden, her simple question enough to draw the raw truth from me. I lick my lips as I blink away the haze of the spell she casts over me. Bringing my knees into my chest, I scoot away from her and wish I could take those words back.

"You're wrong again," she tells me, and I feel foolish.

"I know I'm an easy lay," I tell her dully, feeling my heart squeeze in my chest. I would let her have me whenever she wanted.

"I didn't say you were. I don't do this; I don't sleep around. I don't have girls stay over, so we're even there. So, whatever you're thinking right now, stop it."

Guilt rises inside of me and makes me feel sick to my stomach. This is not the time, nor the place. I can feel her gaze on me, I know she's waiting for me to simply agree and so I swallow the spiked knot and nod, but I can't look her in the eyes.

"You know you mean more to me than that. You're more than that." Her conviction is unmistakable, but I don't know that. I only know what she's told me, which is nothing.

She never tells me anything and I let her into my life because that's where I want her. It's as simple as that.

Taking a steadying breath, I turn to her.

"Tell me you know that," she commands me, and my eyes are drawn to her throat as she swallows. "Tell me you know you're more than just a lay for me."

"I do," I tell her. Things have always been more between us, but why? I don't know. And tomorrow holds no promises for me.

"I want to have someone, Lisa," I confess to her. "Even if I may lose them one day. I don't want to be alone anymore." I don't know where the words come from. Maybe it's the fatigue that still lingers. The sadness from hearing of Mashiho's mom passing. Or maybe it's because I feel a crack in Lisa's armor, she's giving me a way in to tell her exactly how I feel.

It's too quiet as I stare straight ahead at nothing in particular, rather than at her.

She cups the side of my face and forces me to look at her. Her touch is hot and her gaze even hotter as she tells me, "Then let me be that someone."

My heart beats in slow motion.

"What am I to you?" I whisper. Because deep in my soul, I already know Lisa is that person for me. What I don't know is whether or not I'm that person for her.

"You were just the sad girl who looked at me like you couldn't wait to run from me. So, I refused to chase you, Jennie. Now that I have you, I'm begging you, don't run from me."

I love you is on the tip of my tongue, but the strength to let the words be heard is nowhere to be found.

"People know you're with me now, anyway," she tells me when I don't say anything. "There's nowhere to run."

"I want to run away from here. I don't know that I can stay here, Lisa." I don't know why that's what comes out of me, but it's all I can say.

Her answer is simple and unexpected. "When you figure out where, tell me."

Her hand falls from my cheek and she gets off the bed, making my body sway where it is. My gaze drifts to her, watching her stand at the dresser and open a drawer, and then to the faint light of early morning filtering in through the window.

"Where are you going?" I ask her and then add, "To Mashiho's?" She only nods solemnly. Of course, she'd want to be with him. I'm sure Mashiho needs her there too.

"Do you want me to go with you?" I offer. I'd do anything for her.

"You keep looking for a way to run from me, Jennie Kim," she says and although she isn't facing me as she slips on a white cotton t-shirt, I can hear the smile that must be gracing her lips, "but I need you this time. You're not allowed to leave now."

"So, that's a yes?" I push her for more, feeling a warmth spread through my body and cloaking the sadness still buried within.

"It's a, 'you should have known you're coming with me.'"