𝑺𝑶𝑳𝑫 𝑻𝑶 𝑴𝑨𝑭𝑰𝑨

Chapter 9

Natalia's pov: 

Leonardo has been tending to my needs and wants, a lot. It was weird. Surreal, even. It all felt like a vivid dream in which I had no part in, life was an illusion. A lie. Death, in fact, was the truth. The inevitable, immortal, truth. Which everybody ceased to lie about, but I knew the truth. And that was all that mattered. 

Leonardo had left this morning, for a meeting. And I was left all alone. My appetite was dead, Leonardo had to shove food down my throat, or threaten me to eat it. And it was strange, him threatening me to eat, it felt like he almost cared. Keyword being almost. Normally, food was my comfort. But, all I could think about was the incident that happened years ago. That fucking memory. I wanted to stomp on it, kill it, squeeze the life out of it, choke it to death, then leave. Leaving all my ties and memories with it far behind, with no place in my future.

But that couldn't happen.

"Madam, please, eat your food, sir will be very angry" the poor maid, Elena pleaded. She'd been doing it for the past hour, and I kept feeling guilty. But I was also mad, mad at everyone controlling me. Mad at the past choking me alive. Mad at my parents for selling me away. Mad at myself for not knowing what was genuine or not. Mad at life.

Mad that god didn't take me to heaven yet.

I don't even know, if I was going to heaven. But, I believed, that the real hell, itself; was the world. Earth. You choose to create your life into hell or heaven, nobody else. I bet someone held me at gunpoint and threatened me to choose hell. Any place away from here; from the real world was better. As long as I was away from here, anywhere was better. Anywhere I could have peace, and feel at home.

The doors of the dining room slammed shut, and I peered my eyes up from my phone to look at a seething Leonardo. He looked furious, but it didn't look like it was appointed at me. He was rubbing his middle finger with his thumb, something I noticed he does to calm his anger down. But this time, it was only fueling his anger further. 

My eyes widened, and a little panic rises up, I scoot back a little in my chair, which, I didn't even know, was possible. His eyes slightly widened and he stills, first his biceps, this his neck, his face, his legs, then all in all; him. It's as if he realized I was panicking, and something in him switches off. His gaze and eyes soften.

"Did you eat?" He asks me. Anyone from afar wouldn't even know he was mad just now, his voice was soft, evident concern in it.

"No, I didn't feel hungr-" I say, but get cut off by some cheesy lasagna in my mouth. I moan due to the delicious spices and flavors erupting in my mouth.

"Tomato, tomahto, I don't care, eat the fucking food" he tsks. I nod in approval, because my mouth was full with food. He doesn't take his eyes off me. If I was eating the lasagna, his eyes were eating me. I wipe off the eye contact, and look at Elena standing at the corner of the room. Her eyes were slightly widened, not believing her eyes while her face was lit up with a smile. She looked genuinely happy.

"Hey, Natalia?" Leonardo asks softly, i hum, still not looking away. I slowly move my neck and look at Leonardo, who looked at me as if he wanted to stay here. Frozen in time, feeding me. Spending time with me. Never letting me go. I'd be lying if I said it didn't terrify me enough as much as it thrilled me.

"Do you know about the Russian Mafia? -the bratva-? Did you have any previous ties with them, anything?" He asks. He was concerned. His legs were bouncing up and down, I could practically feel his anxiety depending on my response. 

"No, I don't think so." I say after a minute. He lets out a relieved sigh, his legs stop shaking. He closes his eyes for a minute, assuming, or assuring himself. He opens his eyes after a minute and looks at me, scanning me with his gaze. His gaze stripped me open, and cut me alive. But ignited me on fire, and made me feel alive at the same time.

"You know I won't ever hurt you intentionally right? I would rather kill myself than touch a hair on your head in any other reason than to care for you. I woul" I cut him off by putting a finger to his lips. I smile softly.

"I know"

"Can you promise me something?" He pauses. His voice broke. It broke. It broke like it never had before. He was vulnerable. Either that, or I was imagining things, pretty sure it was the latter one. "I'm a selfish man, a pathetic human and amongst the people who would get nominated for getting killed if that ever happened but," he got on his knees. Both of them, reminding me of our conversation from earlier when I was sick.

-previous convo-

"how do you know if someone is begging or asking?" I ask

"Because one knee is asking, two is begging"

-end of convo-

"Can you please stay? Just this once? Please?" His eyes were slightly red, I'd say he was about to cry if I didn't know any better. But Leonardo Moretti never cried. He was the one who made people cry.

I open my mouth to say something but he cuts me off, "just this once, just for a while. I want you to stay" he pleads. "Not as my woman. But as my friend, as the person who wouldn't leave y side, knowing I was a shitty, fucked up asshole" That's when it hits me, like a bullet.

Leonardo was on his knees, begging for me to stay. When he bought me, he owned me.

He was letting me go. But he wanted the possibility of me staying, he wanted, no, -needed- to try.

 I nodded. I don't know what came over me, but I had grown a sense of comfort around him." I promise"