You
Sup girlypopEvan
DieYou
Gurl, what is with the hostility
today?
I was just trying to have a civil
conversation with you
and you decided to threaten my
lifeEvan
You
Die in a whore's loose holeEvan
I can't say I've gotten that
one beforeYou
Glad to be of service
Oml
Look at what Minnie just sent
me
Teenagers are on another levelEvan
Is that jacked Steve?You
No it's jacked Squidward
OF COURSE ITS FREAKING JACKED
STEVEEvan
I'M SORRY THAT ME,
A MIDDLE AGED MAN,
IS NOT CAUGHT UP ON
MODERN POP CULTUREYou
YOU'RE A CELEBRITY
ISN'T THAT LIKE YOU'RE WHOLE
JOB??Evan
NOT EXACTLY
I PAY PEOPLE TO RESEARCH
TEAMS TO DO THAT FOR ME
well, Disney does
MY POINT STILL STANDSYou
I mean fair enough
A rich, capitalistic conglomerate
founded by an old, dead white guy
pays people to research trends for
you so that they can continue to
market you to the younger
generation because your looks
are fading with time and they need
to continue to make you appeal to
teenagers otherwise you're
completely useless in the acting
world despite being a former big name
that your mom fangirls over but
nobody else gives a crapEvan
Jesus Christ
Holy Mother and Father
Make it sound worse why
don't you?
Holy cows
Our Father who art in heaven,
hallowed be thy name, thy
kingdom come, thy will be
done on earth as it is in
HeavenYou
Give us this day, our daily bread
And forgive our trespasses, as we
forgive those who trespass against
us. And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil
Why are you swearing like a
Southern grandma?Evan
That was deep
It caught me off guardYou
Lol imagine being so bewildered
you swear like a Midwestern
grandmotherEvan
Hardy har har
Why do you know the other
half of that prayer?You
Catholic school was something, let
me tell you that much
That religious trauma runs real deepEvan
Oh sameYou
Ever hooked up in the confessional?Evan
Yeah
But I preferred the kneelers 🤷You
Uh okay
Dam get that dick ig?
Dem blowjobs
WAIT
IS THIS YOU COMING OUT TO ME
EVAN??
EVAN
GET BACK HERE
OMG
I NEED TO KNOW IF THAY EAS
LIKE EXPERIMENTATION OR IF
THESE EMOJIS ARE NOW ACCEPTABLE
💅💅🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🌈🏒🏒🌈🌈
GET YO ASS BACK HEREEvan
I got that Catholic guilt yo~~~~fuck Elon Musk~~~~
Chris Evans @ChrisEvans
Imagine being so bewildered you
start cussing like a Midwestern grandmother? Couldn't be me 🙃🙃
526 likes • 327 comments • 342 retweets
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Carnations (Wrong Number)
FanfictionOne fateful (and kinda cliche) day, Y/N manages to mess up her friend's phone number. And well, I think you can imagine what happens next.