Chapter Seventeen

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Your emotions are the slaves to your thoughts, and you are the slave to your emotions.
- Elizabeth Gilbert

Claire Bishop

The clock stroked around midnight, the tone ringing throughout the apartment. The night turned eerily quiet, making the whole scenario heavy for me.

Switching on the lights, I walked through the living room to my bedroom with my little girl sleeping calmly in my arms. When I reached the inside of my bedroom, I closed the door letting Tyler make himself comfortable however he wanted in my living room.

Thank god, the room was cleaned enough. Well, I was never the one to be messy. Sure, I wasn't that organised but I kept my surroundings as clean as I could. I laid Lydia over the bedsheets carefully without waking her up.

She looked so fragile with her face scrunched up from whatever she was seeing beneath her closed eyelids. I smoothed out the creases from her forehead and took out all the clips from her hair aware of her sleepy state. Next came her shoes then the socks. And then I covered her with the thin duvet but I didn't get up.

Making myself as comfortable as I could on the edge of the bed, I gazed at her small baby face. I didn't know children also harboured many emotions knowing someone died. I meant she was just born when her mother died and now, she was still very small to understand the concept of death so I failed to see where this anger came from. Maybe children also take deaths just as hard as adults do.

Moreover she didn't know her mother very well but she still felt angry. Did she ever tell anyone she felt angry? Tyler never told me such things. Hell, he didn't even say how his wife died or ...oh god, I didn't know anything. He didn't tell me anything other than just his wife died.

Wasn't I suppose to know everything? I was marrying him for God's sake. I had every right to know. Marriage wasn't a joke. Sure, we hastily decided to marry and for some odd reasons too but that still didn't change the fact this marriage was as real as it could get.

And this marriage gained me a daughter. A daughter who should be my first priority. So I had every right to know what happened. This girl, this little girl I was gazing at so intently was a happy, bouncy child but all of a sudden, talking about death was easy for her. What did I miss? What did everyone miss? I had to know or else I would be suffocated badly by all these questions, all these worries for Lydia.

The click of the door opening made me realise Tyler came in and he was waiting. I could feel his gaze and I could feel his worries. I bet he was thinking Neil did something to us but actually he was being helpful, well....helpful in his way. He was strange but in a good way.

"Are you going to tell me now?" Tyler asked as he leaned over the door.

I breathed a sigh and stood up. "I need to change."

He pushed himself from the door and came around me to stand beside the bed. He touched me on my arm and stated. "Claire, this is my daughter. I need to know if something happened."

Raising my head to meet his tired eyes, I repeated. "I need to change."

Concern etched his handsome face. The slight hunch fatigue in his shoulders let me know, it wasn't just me who was tired. Even he looked tired but before I could sooth his worries away and make him relax, I had to relax myself. And my dress wasn't helping my body to relax. I had to get out of it first.

Tyler turned away and sat on the spot which I vacated seconds ago beside Lydia, gesturing me. "Go. I am not going anywhere."

Since I already knew that, I turned and pulled out all the accessories from my hands, ears, and my hair to keep them on top of the dresser. Then I walked toward the drawers and took out a  loose T-shirt and black shorts.

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