Rosewood Institute

Therapy Session Nightmare

Arundelle's POV

I grimaced as I sat across from Silas, no, Doctor Blackwell. I never called him by his first name when we were in session, it just felt wrong for me.

I have thought about going to see a different therapist that specializes in my issues with germophobia and OCD, but I didn't want Silas to feel hurt or less than because of me and my issues.

I was one of the more difficult of the boys to get to open up, I have only been here a few years and I know it frustrates Silas to no end when I refuse to talk or give him any indication on how I'm doing.

It's safer to keep people at arm's length, that way when they leave me it'll hurt less. At least that's what I tell myself, but I know it would destroy me if the guys left me, our relationship.

"I can see that you don't want to talk about this, Arundelle, but to further your healing process we need to discuss these things. Can you tell me how your feeling today?" Silas asked as he looked at me from across his large desk, it's like the man wants to intimidate me.

I roll my eyes at his question and say, "I'm fine after my bath and some reading, you know I need my quiet time more often then not."

I saw his jaw tick when I rolled my eyes, I knew that irritated him but it felt too dang good to defy him, even if it was only a little.

"What about your feelings towards Birch? Do you like him being added to our family of sorts?" He asked as I saw him scanning my face for any micro expressions.

I nodded then shrugged and muttered, "He's cute and innocent, he's fine by me."

Silas wrote something down on his pad of paper then looked back at me and asked, "How about your feelings towards your mother? We both know she's the main reason for..."

"No! We agreed we wouldn't talk about her! I know you just wanna get a rise out of me! You always do this!" I yelled at him, I knew my words were hurtful and untrue but I didn't care, we agreed in the beginning to never mention my mother or what she did to me. We agreed, he broke his promise.

"Arundelle..." Silas said as he tried to calm me from my panic by holding me, but it wasn't helping he just made it so much worse by trying to touch me, I hate it when people touch me.

"No!" I yelled as I pushed him off, my heart full of betrayal and anger, "Stop trying to force this out of me or I swear I'm getting a different therapist! I can't handle you anymore!"

Silas stumbled back a step by my words and me pushing him, so many emotions clouded his face. Shock, hurt, confusion, but mostly irritation. He schooled his features then asked me in a low voice, "Can you not handle me as a therapist or all of us? Is this situation with all of these people too much for you? Do you want to leave us?"

I could see the hurt in his face when I whispered, "I don't know anymore, I just need some time."

I quickly walked out of his office and upstairs to my room, I was feeling panicked and hurt. I knew he didn't mean what he said, and I didn't either.

But a part of me liked the feeling of being alone in the world with no one to be accountable to and another part hates that idea and needs Silas and everyone else here.

I'm so confused, but more than anything I definitely need a nap and some contemplation, I need to figure out my plan for what I want or need right now.

I'm too stressed to worry about this, maybe one of the guys could help?

No, I need to figure this out on my own. This is my life, I only get one chance to live it, I need to make sure I'm making the right choices for me.

I know it sounds selfish, but I don't really know if I'd leave or not, this house can be a lot of stress on someone, but it can also be a lot of fun and some of my favorite memories were made here.

I think I'm staying, but I'm too conflicted to make any big decisions right now.

I sigh as I lay back in my bed, and feel the tiredness crashing through me like a wave. I can't help but need a nap after a bad session like that.

I know Silas will probably have to talk to me about upping my meds and getting a new therapist but I really can't be bothered right now.

I need a nap and a conversation with Hades, he may seem like a brute who barely talks but he's a really sweet guy who gives fantastic advice.

Plus, he loves Birch more than anything else in the world and he could help me with my doubts and questions about myself. I know I need to talk about my mother but the subject just puts me into this state of stress and anxiety.

Today is not the day to make big decisions, it's the day for a nap and to apologize to Silas about my reactions during our session.

Or maybe I won't apologize at all? I have no idea who was at fault for that whole situation but I feel regret from my words and actions.

Sigh, nap first then big life decisions later.