Forevermore

Twenty Two

I don't realize the mistake that I've made until I start my first study session the next day.

My mom is probably still asleep, my brother is at his game, and so is my dad. There's no stress there–temporarily at least.

No. The biggest mistake was letting Ezra into my room last night.

I'm supposed to be working on my SAT Prep, but all I can think about is last night. Every single aspect keeps replaying in my head.

I've never seen Ezra so upset, or so gentle. The way he held my neck–just before the forehead kiss–the touch was somehow filled with so much affection.

Platonic affection, I'm assuming. But affection nonetheless.

And there I go, getting all distracted again.

This isn't what's supposed to happen. I'm supposed to be nonchalant, not easily distracted by a simple display of affection.

But I'm reminded of him every time I glance over at the lilies he gave me–that are now in a vase.

My phone begins ringing with a call from Linh. I answer almost instantly since my attention is so divided right now.

"Hello?"

"Indi, hi!" Her voice is coated with enthusiasm. "My parents let me have the day off since things are moving kind of slow. Do you wanna hang out with me and the group?"

I glance at the computer in front of me before letting out a sigh. "I'm sorry." There's already enough distraction, I don't need more. Not only that, but I'm approaching a point where–even around my friends–anxiety controls my demeanor. They know something is wrong, and I always end up bringing down the mood. No need to do so on a Saturday afternoon.

The line is silent for a few seconds before she starts speaking. "No big deal," she tries to make herself sound okay with it, but I know she's not. "But, um, maybe next time?"

"Yeah, sure. Is–"

My voice gets cut off when my bedroom door opens. There my mother stands in a white sundress and a full face of makeup. My heart beats fast with anxiety at the sight of her. I'm not sure why I feel so flighty when she's in the room.

Well, I do. But deep down, I know that's not normal.

"Hi, baby," she says. Baby. That means she wants something from me.

"Hold on, Linh." I mute the call.

"Make some breakfast for your mommy," Mom says, talking to me like I'm a toddler. "I have a call in about fifteen minutes and need some energy. Thank you."

And just like that, she's gone.

Tears threaten to spill out of my eyes, but I push them down as I unmute the call. "Sorry about that. Is there anything else you need?"

"Nope," Linh replies. "Just make sure to give yourself breaks, alright? I love you."

"Love you too. Bye." I'm the first to hang up.

After heaving out a deep sigh, I leave my room and make my way downstairs. Honey is in the living room, laying by the front door as he typically does when Dad leaves.

I enter the kitchen, already knowing what I'm going to make for her. It's a little frustrating that Mom only talks to me when she needs something, but I never argue.

Watching people fight stresses me out, nevermind being in one myself.

I make my mother a bowl of oatmeal with strawberries and bananas. I've also brewed some coffee with Dad's coffee machine. The coffee is just a little too light, but that may or may not be something I've done on purpose.