Forevermore

Twenty Six

Stressful does not even begin to describe the last two-and-a-half days. I can't sleep because my brain won't rest, but when I get up to do schoolwork, the same brain won't process any information.

Ezra has been texting me with school updates and check ups to see how I'm doing, but I haven't seen him much. I hate how prominent his absence is to my attention. I've stayed holed up in my room, only getting out of bed to use the restroom and attempt schoolwork, so I haven't been able to see him at dinner.

Thankfully, Honey has been a trusty companion. He lays beside me in bed, and his presence is just comforting. I try not to think of how he'll be gone in at least a few months.

It's eight on a Friday and I should be studying, but I can't do much more than sit in my bed and complete my Twilight marathon, wearing the same pajamas that I've been in since Wednesday night. I seriously just don't have the energy or brainpower to do more.

There's a knock on the door and I throw a blanket over Honey before pausing the movie. "Come in." My voice is embarrassingly rough and nasal.

When the door opens, Ezra walks in with two bowls. He doesn't make eye contact with me as he closes the door with his foot. "Your dad wanted me to bring you dinner since he's assuming you're sick of him."

That assumption isn't too far from the truth. My emotions have been even less stable since I started staying home, which makes it very easy for me to get irritated with people.

"It's tomato soup with–" The second he looks up at me, he turns around. "You're naked."

He's being dramatic, of course. I'm wearing underwear–but my legs are covered with a blanket–and his black zip-up covers my arms, revealing only my sports bra and stomach. Having my stomach exposed has weirdly helped with keeping me at a comfortable body temperature.

"I thought I was the one who got flustered easily." I sit up a little bit, propping up my elbows just under me.

"I'm not flustered, it's– you're naked."

"I have a jacket and underwear on."

"Zip it up then."

I'm not sure why, but my chest feels suddenly hollow. "You don't want to see me naked?"

"What?" The word leaves his mouth so quick it almost feels like confirmation that he's utterly repulsed by me. "No– wait...yes? I don't know. Just–" He lets out a sigh. "Indigo, just trust me. Zip up the jacket."

My vision goes blurry because I've been crying about everything recently.

Not kidding. I cried at the end of the first Twilight movie for a reason that I can't exactly remember.

But right now, I'm hit with the horrifying realization that Ezra probably just likes me in a friendly 'Hi!-How-are-you?' kind of way and not a 'I-want-to-kiss-you-until-you-can't-breathe' kind of way. And I'm not sure why that hurts so bad.

I flip onto my stomach and stuff my head into the pillow, letting tears out of my eyes.

"Indigo? Are you–" A moment later his voice is a lot closer. "What's wrong?"

I sniffle before replying. "You can only keep me alive for so long," I reply, referring to the awful dream I had on Tuesday night.

"What?" His voice is filled with a hint of desperation, as if the curiosity is killing him.

"You don't have to save me anymore. I'll just lose you."

I feel a cold hand brush my hair behind my neck, which means he's probably put the bowls down somewhere.