Forevermore

Twenty Eight

Ezra
My blood speeds through every single vein in my body. The heater in my dad's truck is all the way up and I have a hoodie on, yet my body is cold.

Cold and weak.

And there's no Indigo here to bring me the peace that she usually does. I could call her, but then I'd have to explain where I am, and I'm not sure if that's something I'm ready to tell her.

I glance at the time on the phone in my shaky hand. 3:42. My appointment with Doctor Hertz starts in sixteen minutes.

I scheduled it after leaving Indigo's house on Sunday.

Before that day–that weekend, her words were ringing through my head, unnecessarily loud. You know it's okay to not always stress about food, right? I knew what she was implying, and her words alwaysbmean a lot to me, so it stuck, even though I tried to live in denial about it.

When I was on my third hour of my typical meal planning for the week, I got the call from Lucas. At first, I thought someone from baseball calling was some sign that I was right, that Indi was just concerned about a harmless diet. That theory was quickly diminished–out of my mind–when I realized Lucas and Nicholas didn't know where she was.

I'll never forget the way my whole body was freezing with fear and wouldn't regain warmth until I saw her on the beach. But more than that, I'll never forget how broken she was in that moment. I'll never forget how her heartbreak became my own.

And I would do anything to take even an ounce of her hurt away.

My eyes slowly drag up to the building in front of me.

I can't do this. Why did I even come here? I'm fine. It's not like there's anything even wrong–

I watch the notification appear on my phone.

Warmth finally seeps through my skin when I see my contact name for her. Indigo (don't tell her). The don't tell her is in reference to the confession that's sat heavy on my shoulders since the first time she showed up to one of Lucas's games and stood by her dad while he was talking to the team.

I was going to tell her the night she showed up at my house with dinner, but it felt too impulsive. That's not something you spring on someone.

So I held myself back.

And ever since then, I haven't found a good time.

The notification is enough on its own to convince me not to reverse my decision to show up here. I open it up to read the words: Really? No SAT Prep? NONE?

I can practically hear her say the words to me. It's oddly soothing. Her voice in my mind and the thought that she's sticking to the schedule I crafted for her. It even makes me smile.

Just for a little bit, trust me, I reply. I promise I'll make it up to you.

She replies with an eye roll emoji. And then, I'm holding you to that, Clancy.

A chuckle escapes me like I'm the male equivalent of a schoolgirl. I find myself very prone to laughter and smiling when I'm around her. It's simultaneously obnoxious and uplifting.

She sends a third text, I see a two hour break set for 4:15. Wanna take a wild guess for how long the sequel to TALTBILB is?

It takes a second to realize her acronym stands for To All The Boys I've Loved Before. I try to wipe the smile off my face, but I can't help the fact that I'm like a dog when it comes to her.

Which reminds me...

After sending a text to Indigo that says, Less than two hours?, I open the text conversation with a number I still haven't saved.

I send him a text. Name your price.

Then, I finally turn the engine off, taking a steadying breath before getting out of the truck. With legs that feel a little too light, I walk into the building and mentally prepare myself for my first therapy appointment.