Forevermore

Thirty

Indi
By the time he pulls the door open, my eyes are wide with worry. I have no idea how this is about to go down. I don't have time for myself, let alone more people. I need to turn around and run away, maybe even leave the country. I could go to Europe. Maybe Iceland or Italy–I've been wanting to see the museums–

"Indigo?" Ezra says, his eyebrows knit together with concern. I'm definitely wearing my emotions all over my face. "What's wrong? Are you okay?"

I peer over his shoulder. "Is your dad home?"

"No, why?"

My breaths come out in short pants and I have to slow them down before replying. "There's...um..." Breathe. "There was something I left out on Monday. Something about my anxiety and I have to tell you. Now, preferably."

He opens the door wider, not removing the curiously concerned look written on his features. "Come in."

I step inside, staying faced away. He shuts the door, locks it, and tries to lead me to his room, but I stop him. "No. We should probably talk in the living room." It's less claustrophobic, is what I leave off.

He gives me a confused look before replying, "Okay."

We walk into the living room, wordlessly sitting beside each other on the couch.

His leg is a little too close to mine. Not touching, but that's probably worse.

"What's wrong?" Ezra puts a hand on my back and the physical contact makes me jump. Quite literally.

I hop off of the couch and accidentally bump my shin on the coffee table. Ezra jumps up too, reaching an arm out to steady me.

I hold my hands up. "No!" I exclaim, taking a step away from him. "I'm fine. Not hurt or anything."

I take several more steps away until I'm in front of the fireplace and he's still in front of the couch.

Ezra's eyes narrow. "Indigo," he says, the syllables so perfectly bouncing through his mouth. "What...is going on?"

"It's you," I admit.

He flinches slightly. I don't know if I'm imagining it, but he even looks a little hurt. "What?"

"I'm– I've– You–" I let out a sigh, realizing that I should've practiced this before coming here. But then it all spills out as quickly as water being dumped from a cup flipped upside down. "I'm kind of freaking out here because I'm falling like crazy and you're giving me all these signs that I've never seen before. I don't think you're giving me mixed signals, but maybe I'm just misinterpreting it. But that's not even the worst part..." I allow him a moment to process before finally saying it. "The worst part is the fact that I want you to be sending those signs. The good ones at least, you know?"

All of the features in his face relax at once. He tries to hold back a smile, but it fails. And then he begins walking around the coffee table.

"Stay where you are," I tell him, my heart rate increasing its speed as he continues despite my words. "Ezra, I'm serious. I told you in Atlanta–"

"That you don't want anything short term," he finishes the sentence. "I know."

I'm at a loss for words. My speechlessness gets even worse when he's standing right in front of me. And somehow even worse when he cups my face with his large hands.

"And your past rejections were because of the lack of emotional connection. Is that right?" I can only nod since his hands on my face cause my brain to short circuit. "I'd say I have plenty of emotions when it comes to you."

"But my– my schoolwork," it's to remind me as much as it is to remind him. "I'm busy, you know that."

"Do you want this, Indigo? Do you want me?"

"Ezra, you're not listening." I shake my head, trying to pull my face away from his grasp. He's not supposed to be convincing me away from my standpoint right now.

"I hear you loud and clear," he says. "And I'm still asking. Do you want to be with me?"

I ignore the way my face heats up with his proximity. "Yes," I say. "Of course I do. But my–"

Before I can get very far into my sentence, his lips are on mine and I widen my eyes, unsure of what's happening.

It only takes a second for me to snap back to reality and sink into the kiss. The rapid beat of my heart doesn't even consider slowing down.

My mind feels blank save for one thought.

I am kissing Ezra Clancy right now.

Ezra Clancy is kissing me.

Jolts of electricity shoot down my spine as I try to remain as composed as possible for a girl having her first kiss with a guy like Ezra.

He tastes like the cinnamon gum I've seen him chew a select amount of times. More than that, he tastes like all my sweet dreams come true.

My eyes open when he pulls back, but thankfully, his hands remain on my face and the look in his eyes is just as warm as his palms. "If you want to be with me then we're going to make it work."

For a moment, I'm confused. Until I remember why I'm here in the first place.

This is not how it was supposed to go.

I was supposed to show up and sway his decision all while standing on the front porch, at least a foot away from him. Then, I was to go home and start on the English essay that is due on Monday.

"Indigo," Ezra says. "If you want to be with me," he repeats slower, "Then we are going to make it work."

I look between both of his dilating pupils. "It's not going to work."

"Not if we don't try."

"But I can barely give you crumbs as it is," I make one last attempt to sway him. "It won't be much different."

His grin does not leave his face. "Your crumbs are my idea of a feast."

He really wants this.

I really want this.

"Are you sure?" I ask. "Because you don't–"

"Indigo." One word–not even a word, but my name. That's all it takes for me to give up turning him away because I know if any relationship is going to work for me, it's going to be one with him.

"Okay," I exhale. "So what happens now?"

"Hm," he hums. "Preferably another kiss."

A wide grin spreads across my lips.

His head dips and when our mouths connect, it's pure bliss. My heart is still pounding, but now I'm considerably more excited than nervous. His hands move down to my waist and mine thread through his hair.

Ezra slowly pulls away then touches his forehead to mine. "I hope you know that I never want to stop doing that."

"That's unfortunate, considering I should go home soon. I accidentally told my dad that I was going for a walk."

The sigh he lets out contradicts the pretty grin on his lips. "You promised me a movie."

"This isn't exactly a movie, is it?"

"Sure feels like one to me." He dips his head, pressing another soft kiss to my lips, igniting a fire–no, a whole explosion within me. "You taste so sweet, you know that?" Another kiss. "Like strawberries." And another.

I do the quick math in my head. I've had five total kisses in my life. All within these last few minutes. All with Ezra Clancy. All extremely electrifying.

"Friday," I say, dragging my hands down his arms. Our fingers interlace and I meet his eyes again. "I'll come over on Friday night and– Why are you making that face?"

His mouth is pressed into a flat line and he's sort of wincing, I think? "The guys are coming here after the game."

I sigh. "Then Saturday."

His lips pull up into a pretty smile again. "Saturday." And he gives me one last swoon-worthy kiss.