🙖 SAGE 🙐

~'9'~

Song: Everything I Wanted - Billie Eilish

🌿 Sage 🌿

I slip out of the bed, glancing around the guy's room. I still can't believe I slept here the whole night. Geez, what happened to my morality? I need to stop acting stupid. I don't even know the guy's name yet.

But here's the thing— I slept the deepest I've been in a long, long time. With him. I sigh. I need to get myself a therapist.

I slide my hand through my hair. What do I do now? (I mean, obviously I need to brush my teeth, as one does in the morning) I don't want to face him. I don't want the shame that comes afterwards.

I hear the doorknob turn. I spin to face the source of the sound, and in a split second decision, I flee. I don't give a (censored). He can (censored, insert bleep bleep bleep sounds) for all I care.

My bare feet pad the hallways, making tap tap tap sounds. Honestly, it's good ASMR, but that's not really the point right now. (Is it though?) I run back to the dungeons. (Why I keep doing that, I have no idea)

The people in the dungeons look happy to see me. They ask me how I'm doing, what happened last night for me to yell like that. I don't answer properly, I just nod and shake my head, the conversation a blur.

I have no idea how or what I'm doing, just that I want to go home. This is so tiring, dealing with the emotions and everything. I'm tired. I want to sleep. I don't care if I just woke up.

"Sage?" Opal, the girl from before asks. "Are you okay?"

I nod my head. Then shake my head. And nod my head again after. She looks at me with a confused expression. "That's a little concerning, Sage. Are you sure?"

I nod, staring at the door I came in from. These mood swings are getting more frequent and are not okay. My social battery is not okay. I glance around the dungeon again, my eyes dropping to the cell that had once held Ellie.

I walk towards the cell. Her corpse isn't there anymore. I touch the cell bars gently, as if I'm holding onto her and not the fleeting memory of her.

I don't think I cried enough. I don't think I will ever cry enough for her. Have I bottled up the emotions too much they spill over? Or are they just always filled to the brim, never splashing over until now? (Seriously, somebody should hire me to be their personal poet because I am that good)

I lean my head against the bars and close my eyes. (Yes I know it's unsanitary, judging by Ellie's dried blood crusted on the bars, but do I care? No.) I don't think my tear ducts work anymore.

Just kidding. They're working. They're working overtime. Oh god, they're working too much. Tears spill out of my eyes and over my cheeks like a damn waterfall. I try to blink them away, but the tactic doesn't work.

I try to pinch the top of my nose, but that doesn't work either. I tilt my head up, but the tears just fall sideways. That just makes me more frustrated and now frustrated tears slip out.

My throat burns and my eyes hurt. I cover my mouth so as to not make sounds but my body betrays me as I start full body sob. Piss in a bucket, I must look and sound so pathetic right now.

I press my lips together. "Sage?" Opal says my name again. She must've seen me shaking. "Are you sure you're okay? You don't seem okay."

I forgot she's still here. In fact, the whole dungeon disappears when I think about Ellie. And when I start sobbing. Everything disappears when I start crying.

I take in a shaky breath, and steady my voice as much as I can. "I'm fine," I call back, but my voice cracks in the middle. That sounded concerning. Damn it.