Shadow Land

Chapter 7: True Torture

Evelyn

My mind is a dark and scary place. I live in my head because I live in a cage. Why open my eyes to gaze around the dungeon my mate and friends had left me in.

Even as I wasted away, refusing to eat what little I was given to "live" off of, I focused my energy inward. I was unraveling the stories I've always told myself and mixing them up with happier ever after endings. It didn't take long for my mind to believe what I told it to believe in my weakened state.

Abuse is unexceptionable. Sexual abuse is even harder because the body reacts as a sexual being. It took me a long time to come to terms with this. While being molested by my step-father, my body reacted when he wanted to be "kind" and give me pleasure. I know in my bones that he was abusing me. I was too young to consent. But my body reacting as it does when being given an orgasm feels more or less like I am the one violating myself because my body response was against what my mind and heart wanted. I didn't want anything to do with that, but the body keeps the score.*

In this dark crevice of my mind a familiar voice beckoned to me. I used all of the focus and energy I had to follow the sound to King Rian.

I was able to see and hear his thoughts without him knowing I was listening in. Or maybe he wanted me to do that but before I could reveal myself we were back in the bathroom of my old house. The memory I had been playing on repeat was being altered.

"Don't tamper with my memory! You've done enough!" I yelled in my mind but he seemed unaffected by my cries. He couldn't hear me. Could anyone hear me?

I can't trust my thoughts with mind readers roaming about, but maybe I had blocked them out. That thought gave me pause to hope, but quickly was stopped when I saw what the king of all vampires fantasy started.

What he was doing should feel violating. I shouldn't want it. Like physical sexual abuse, I know my body will react appropriately since I am a highly sexual being. But unlike before my head and heart were not completely against what was going on. This was something I wanted. Something I craved. It was an uncomfortable ache in my stomach that I couldn't pin point if I was excited or nervous. I shouldn't like or want this, but I also couldn't turn away from it. If I could have I would have jumped into the memory myself and been able to feel Rian's breath on my most sensitive spot as he gripped my thighs tightly and inspected every inch of my body.

It was like watching from a window or another room. I could hear and see it but I couldn't interact. I was left out in the cold. Another cruel reminder that I was locked up in a cold cage in reality.

My mind, body, heart, and soul were imprisoned. And yet, this glimpse into Rian's mind set something inside me free.

An insatiable craving awakened inside of me. I felt the fires of Hell coming to burn me alive and still I watched, not wanting to even blink and miss a moment of this fantasy.

I felt him release himself and saw that he wanted to cum on me. My insides exploded with desire! My stomach dropped like it does on a rollercoaster. My heartbeat felt as though it beat faster than a hummingbird's wings. And just when I thought I had reached the crescendo, he melted my heart by taking care of me after everything.

He loved me.

I had never been in any real danger with him. I knew that already, but now I believed it with every fiber of my being. Something had changed.

Like the end of a movie, the picture went black. I found my way back into my body, slowly moving my fingers and toes first. Rolling over onto my right side, I stretched my body out, making the first noises I've made in what feels like forever as I moved. My body needed a good stretch. And a good fuck. Stretching out my limbs would have to do for now.

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*The Body Keeps The Score
⬆️ A great book about how trauma gets imprinted in our brains and how our bodies continue to hold onto it long after the traumatic event.