𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐂𝐑𝐎𝐒𝐒𝐄𝐃-𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒; 𝐇𝐏 𝐱 𝐏𝐉𝐎

𝟎𝟎𝟒; sʟʏ ᴘʟᴀɴ

THE REPAIRED ALARM CLOCK RANG AT SIX O'CLOCK THE NEXT MORNING. Hyacinth turned it off quickly and dressed silently. She mustn't wake the Dursleys. She stole downstairs without turning on any of the lights.

"Oh my sweet baby! I promise to take you far away ftom them!" Lily coos.

She was going to wait for the postman on the corner of Privet Drive and get the letters for number four first. Her heart hammered as he crept across the dark hall towards the front door - "AARRGH!" Hyacinth leapt into the air - she'd trodden on something big and squashy on the doormat - something alive!

"WHAT THE FUCK!"

"DAM!"

"SHIT!"

The three boys, Astro, Leo and Perseus shouted.

"That man is desperate." Euphemia Pottet says coldly.

Lights clicked on upstairs and to her horror Hyacinth realised that the big squashy something had been her uncle's face. Uncle Vernon had been lying at the foot of the front door in a sleeping bag, clearly making sure that Hyacinth didn't do exactly what she'd been trying to do. He shouted at Hyacinth for about half an hour and then told her to go and make a cup of tea.

"She is not your fucking servant." Apollo growls menacingly, sending shivers through many's spine.

"Even I can't growl like this." SIrius sulks.

Hyacinth shuffled miserably off into the kitchen, and by the time she got back, the post had arrived, right into Uncle Vernon's lap. Hyacinth could see three letters addressed in green ink. "I want -" she began, but Uncle Vernon was tearing the letters into pieces before her eyes.

"Hmfp! I will curse him with even more ugliness." Aphrodite states, her eyes glowing with anger.

"How can someone hurt such cutie like this?"

She pouted.

Apollo calms down at the sight of
such cute pout from his lover.

Uncle Vernon didn't go to work that day. He stayed at home and nailed up the letter-box. "See," he explained to Aunt Petunia through a mouthful of nails, "If they can't deliver them they'll just give up." "I'm not sure that'll work, Vernon."

"Oh, these people's minds work in strange ways, Petunia, they're not like you and me," said Uncle Vernon, trying to knock in a nail with the piece of fruit cake Aunt Petunia had just brought him.

"You are right, we are so much better than you." James states firmly.

"And richer-" Sirius reminds everyone.

"Send some money." Astro smirks.

On Friday, no fewer than twelve letters arrived for Hyacinth. As they couldn't go through the letter-box they had been pushed under the door, slotted through the sides and a few even forced through the small window in the downstairs toilet. Uncle Vernon stayed at home again.

After burning all the letters, he got out a hammer and nails and boarded up the cracks around the front and back doors so no one could go out. He hummed & 'Tiptoe through the Tulips' as he worked, and jumped at small noises.

On Saturday, things began to get out of hand. Twenty-four letters to Hyacinth found their way into the house, rolled up and hidden inside each of the two dozen eggs that their very confused milkman had handed Aunt Petunia through the living-room window.

"Never underestimate those letters." Lily sweats drops.

"I agree." Remus chuckles.

While Uncle Vernon made furious telephone calls to the post office and the dairy trying to find someone to complain to, Aunt Petunia shredded the letters in her food mixer. "Who on earth wants to talk to you this badly?" Dudley asked Hyacinth in amazement.