⌞ always the angel, never a god ⌝

*⌞ thirty-three : reality ⌝*

( mentions of abuse, drinking )

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"Because you, my darling Lily, you deserve the world and more."

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"Take your shit to your room and then come back downstairs." 

I nodded and rushed up the stairs, knowing exactly what was coming. I passed everyone on the way up. The flight back had been in silence. No one had dared to say a thing and I let it be that way. I had nothing to say. Arty had chosen to sit next to Charlie which left me next to Lore. He hadn't said anything to be either, only offering a polite smile and a nod whenever something happened. 

I set my bag on my bed once I got into my room and the realization finally hit that I was stuck here. I had prayed that I wouldn't have to come back here but the dream ended and I was back to reality so I turned on my heel and made my way back downstairs. 

Father was waiting for me at the table and I saw the glass. Everything in me, like clockwork, turned off. All the work Lewis had done was lost in a three-finger pour. 

"Father?" 

"Sit." 

I took the seat across the table from him. It was the safest place. He would have to get up to do anything and that would give me time to prepare. And he would probably miss if he threw the glass. 

"Your phone, on the table." 

I took it out of my back pocket and set it on the table, sliding it towards him. He grabbed it and tucked it into his pocket. There goes my support system. 

"Do you think I wouldn't figure it out?" 

"I'm sorry?" 

"Not to mention the fact that you had that... you had people go over me. You decided to hide the fact that you had a boy from me?" 

I cursed internally, knowing that Charlie had ratted on me. I had wondered when but it didn't really matter. I had lost all hope in that moment that I could ever trust the person who was supposed to be the other half of my soul. 

"I'm sorry-" 

"Enough!" I flinched as he slammed his hand down. "You have had too much freedom, this year. You have left your brother alone, not to mention that Charles has had to practice by himself or with random kids at the track. You have forgotten that you have responsibilities around this house." 

I nodded, knowing that saying anything would make it worse for me. 

"No phone, you're grounded and there will be a list of chores you need to get done before and after school. Find out what will happen if you fail that. Do you understand me?" 

"Yes sir." 

"Get the fuck outta my sight." 

I stood up and ran back up the stairs. The door closed behind me, making sure it didn't slam before I sank to the floor, holding my knees against my chest. Everything I had been holding in broke at that moment. The tears came and then the sobs. They were quiet as they wrecked through me. 

I had lost Jules and then I lost the rest of the people that cared about me. And Father was right. I had been selfish. I wasn't my own person and I knew that. My life revolved around what I could do for everyone else, I should have never believed that it would change. 

_

My alarm went off and I groaned. There was a paper on my desk and I sighed, turning off my alarm and grabbing my glasses, flicking on my light. I needed to get everything ready for school and then I would rush through my chores.