I Found Home

Chapter 5

Kane

There are no dangerous thoughts , thinking itself is dangerous .

A quote from one of my favorite philosophers , Hannah Arendt .

Thinking is a double-edged sword . Think too much and you might go crazy . Think too little and you might never survive . There is no in between , thinking is just like breathing , we never stop thinking even in sleep , we think of every moment that irritated us and translate it in the shape of a dream or a nightmare , depends on the thing bugging us . It's not hard to think , but it's hard to stop . The human brain can't stop working and generating ideas and thoughts , sometimes even when we order the sounds inside our heads to shut up they won't comply , simply because that's almost impossible .

There are some rare cases when we don't think at all , when every thought is shut down behind a very thick wall , and those moments are the most dangerous and vulnerable moments that actually require thinking .

Looking at her prevents me from both breathing and thinking , yet I do it anyways . She has this aura about her , that pulls me like a mesmerized child watching a magic show for the first time . Her hair is in a ponytail , her lips plumped and brilliant , her cheeks pink from the heat of the day , her clothing style has slightly improved , giving away her actual age and making her appear like a teenager .

I might have been ... watching her from afar .

One thing I didn't like , is Iker Lambert roaming around her . Sometimes hitting on her , other times trying to bully her . But I believe she showed him her claws somehow since all he's been doing lately is ... tease her .

I roll my eyes then let them slide slightly to him . He's staring at her . I fist my hands and look away taking a breath .

Aside from the fact that he has an assignment in front of him which he is supposed to work on but obviously chose to ignore , the boy is staring at his classmate . I should kick him out of the class and send him to the principal's office . But I don't , somehow it seems like doing that will give away my thoughts .

I look at her again , this time she is sitting nearer , which is by the way even worse .

I have a class to teach and I still need to be taught self control . My eyes have been very disappointing and unreliable in hiding my conflicted feelings that refuse to leave .

Hannah is concentrated on her paperwork , her brows drawn together in a frown while she chews on her bottom lip ... probably unaware of the gesture . Unfortunately I am very aware of it . As if sensing my eyes on hers , she lifts her head slowly . Our gazes meet , it's like two planets crashing together causing a cosmic fusion , one of which scientists will talk about for generations . The air has never been heavier , blinking has never been harder , she looks at me and I look at her as though we are glued and unable to move .

« Mr Oliver ? » Hannah looks down again , blinking twice before picking up from where she left . I look at the girl who is raising her hand now , nodding at her to ask her question .

« Can my evidence be something personal or ... from real life ? » Paget Baldwin says in her silky soft tone while I look back at the question on the whiteboard : If you were to argue that Raskolnikov was a good person , what would you use as evidence ? If you were going to argue that Raskolnikov was a bad person, what would you use as evidence ?

« If it's logical , I don't mind . » I say with a smile and she returns it back before looking down at her paper again . This girl and Hannah have been inseparable lately , although Hannah always looks bothered around her , as though she is forced to put up with her .