Hogwarts is doomed (a harry potter/helluva boss crossover)

The Locked Room Problem

Hari frowned. He was having tea with his Aunt Rosie and his Aunt Lilith in Cannibal Town.

"I don't know what to do! Uncle Blitz is more stubborn than Uncle Satan, and Papa won't even be in the same building as him! Please, Aunties, tell me you have some ideas?"

The problem of how to get Fizz and Blitz to be friends again had been plaguing the young Chosen for months. It didn't help that neither of the involved parties would tell him what their argument was about in the first place...

Rosie grinned. "I'm not sure how much this will help, Hades dearest, but I did manage to work out why they fell out originally"

"You did? How?" Came the simultaneous gasp from Hari and Lilith.

"Well, we knew they both performed for your Uncle Mammon, so I.... Asked him."

"What? But I ask him every time I see him and he never tells me anything!" Hari nearly yelled, outraged. Lilith shared the sentiment, if the look on her face was anything to go by.

"Why yes, but you don't know what happened in 1963, do you?" Rosie smiled enigmatically.

"You know what happened in 1963! I've been trying to get Luci to tell me that since-well, since 1963! Spill the tea, my cannibalistic friend!" Lilith said with great excitement.

"Well... do you really want to know? I'm not sure it's suitable for young ears..."

"Auntie, I'm seven! And I live in Lust! Dad had to give me the Talk months ago!"
Asmodeus hadn't intended to do anything of the sort for years, however after the fifth time of Hari walking in on him and Fizz-er- engaged in the throes of passion, it became apparent that he really had better, before Hari made good on his threat and asked Angel Dust. He also had invested in some industrial strength door locks.

Rosie sighed. "If you're so sure...

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Three minutes later
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"Good Lords Auntie! No wonder he told you, with how much he values his reputation I bet he'd have done anything to avoid you telling Dad, or anyone for that matter!"Hari giggled.

Lilith was also laughing, she couldn't wait to use this against Luci and Mammon.

"So? What was Blitz and Fizz's argument about?" She asked

"Well, apparently it's partially Mammon's fault. You see, it was Fizz's birthday, and Blitz accidentally caused a fire. Fizz got caught in the fire, and he thought Blitz abandoned him to burn. However, Blitz actually tried to save his mother I believe, and couldn't get back to help Fizz. And here we come to Mammon's involvement. You see, when Fizz was in the hospital, Blitz tried to see him multiple times, but was always blocked by Mammon's dog demons saying that Fizz didn't want to see him. Fizz, on the other hand, was told that Blitz had never tried to see him. Mammon was behind all this because he didn't want Blitz around Fizz anymore, partially so he could guilt-trip Fizz into working for him free of charge. After Fizz got out of hospital, I presume Blitz never tried to see him, as you said, he is rather stubborn, and Fizz wouldn't seek him out."

After Rosie finished explaining, there was a pause, before Hari said, in an incredulous tone,
"You're telling me that my uncle and Papa have been estranged for over a decade because of Uncle Mammon and their own stubbornness?"

"It certainly appears so."

There was a brief silence, before it was interrupted by Hari leaping up in excitement. If he had been in a human cartoon, a lightbulb would have appeared over his head.