Aware Princess Series (Extra Material)

Pretty (It's Just Ann)

This is the first bonus content for It's Just Ann and because many have been asking for Gareth's POV... here you have it, right after chapter 26 in IJA.

Enjoy!
Bel, xx

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Pretty
 Gareth Maddox

          I didn't think I would make a friend or even regard someone as important when I joined this production. When I signed the contract to play Sasha in Typhoon I expected the same as usual: work. I thought I would just play a character, go back home and then repeat. I never imagined I would actually get involved in anything like defying the director's instructions or anything the like.

But I did.

It started when she caught my attention. I was surprised someone so young was the producer of the film, and even like that she was so involved in the project. I've worked with many others who just gave the money and then left. I always do my best and take every production as seriously as one with a lousy producer. At the end they just provide the funds, or that's the impression I had or that most left on me. But she was different, and even with everyone looking down on her, she still fought. That spirit got my attention.

I didn't think I would befriend her or that I would actually care about her. I hated every time someone insulted her or disregarded her because she was just young, but I also felt so proud of her for never lowering to their level, for always answering with respect and defending her opinion.

I don't want to say she's different because that's a cliché, but it's hard to find another way to describe her. She's unusual, refreshing and a good, honest person. It's so hard to find someone who still sees good in the world and fights honestly. Maybe that's why more often than not I found myself watching her and even smiling to myself after she did something I thought was good.

She approached me as any producer would, but there was a different air around her, a vibe that made me feel her honesty. She just wanted the best for the production. Getting close was a natural thing, and for a reason I didn't feel like just shutting her out, maybe because I was intrigued. I talked to her and told her things I wouldn't tell anyone else. Things I really never told anyone else.

I fear things are getting more complicated between us because I feel drawn to her and I actually feel her absence when she's not around. I actually miss her when I can't see her because she's busy. I really want to spend more time with her, something that has never happened to me. Not even once I bothered to have a friend before, but here I am, texting her when she's not on set or inviting her to have dinner with me, even trying to impress her.

I don't dare to explore the reasons behind these desires, even when I suspect she feels more like a friend should. It's not me being conceited or anything, it's the way she looks at me, and the intensity in her eyes when she asks me what I think about relationships. They way she looks so heartbroken when I tell her I don't want one, and how bad I feel when I break all her hopes. But is it not more cruel to let her think there's a chance when there's not?

I think I should shut her out because that would be the best for her, but I don't want to. I enjoy her company too much and I didn't notice how lonely I was until I let her in.

That's a real problem. You can't miss something you don't know or never had, something that never was your concern. But once you get a taste of it you become greedy and you have the ability to miss it and want it.

So as I can't shut her out then I have to be careful and not give her hopes. I can't let her think we could be anything but friends and I don't think that should be hard because that's reality, but then she does some things that confuse my mind. When she's really close, like that time she taught me to hold and use the chopsticks, I couldn't really hear what she was saying because I was too distracted by her proximity, the touch of her hands and just how pretty she was.

Or when she comes, looking prettier than usual, with a big smile asking me if everything is okay. I think she's wearing a different makeup, her face is glowing and she looks so cute. That's the thing with Ann, I wouldn't say she's beautiful or breathtaking, but she's naturally pretty in this very innocent way. She's cute.

I have to control my reaction when she shows up in front of me because she's self-conscious, she's embarrassed and nervous, and I assume it's because of the new makeup, because she wants to see my reaction. So I have to control it, pretend I don't notice a single different but I do. I notice when she wears makeup and she she does not, when she's had a bad day or when she feels happy and content with the unfold of events. I notice every change because I do pay attention to her. I'm by nature a very observant person, that's what allows me to portray a character so carefully and thoroughly, the issue is that I don't normally pay attention to other people. Ann would be the first.

Only when I walk away from her and know she can't see me, I drop the pretence. I know she's disappointed, I saw it in her eyes, but if I let her see the effect she just had on me that would give her hopes.

I rest my hand on my chest, feeling the rapid heartbeats. I press my lips tightly together, constraining the smile that wants to come out. There's an unsettling feeling in my guts and I can't really think clearly. I have this foolish urge to go back and tell her she looks prettier, that that makeup suits her perfectly, better than when she's trying to look older. It's more natural and it just enhances her essence. I really want to go back and bring a smile to her face, brush away that disappointment as I hold her face in my hand. But that's not wise, so I stay where I am, pressing my back to the nearest wall I found, trying to pull myself together.

I don't want to and I won't explore these feelings. Whether this fascination is friendship or something else, I won't draw the line to see where I'm standing. If I don't then the ground where I am is blurry and I am safe, and so is Ann. What good would it make to her to be associated with me? She's barely starting her career and she already has a lot of pressure. And I don't want to get distracted. My priorities have always been clear to me, I can't lose focus of what's important. I don't even want to be an actor forever, not like I am today at least, I'm just doing this to provide for my mother, to give her back. I can't get sidetracked. And Ann has enough to fight against, I can't add more weight to her life.

Romance is a distraction, and if I have to protect her and myself, then that's what I will do.