Aware Princess Series (Extra Material)

Precious (It's Just Ann)

Right after chapter 37 in IJA, this is Gareth's POV. Only read if you don't mind the spoiler of actually knowing what he feels.

Bel, xx

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Precious 

Gareth Maddox

                 She's precious. There's no other word to describe her, and I don't mean it just because she's pretty, she's a precious being. In today's society it's so hard to find someone who fights so hard and righteously, someone who only wants to do good while also helping others and being true to herself. Yet Ann... Ann is all that. She's beautiful inside and outside, and because she's so precious, I'm afraid to touch her.

Precious, invaluable things should stay away from humans' hands because these only know how to destroy. They can't create without breaking something before. I've seen it many times, how others take beautiful people and break them until those souls are as broken as everyone else's.

I don't want that for Ann. I want her to stay as she is forever.

I'm not worthy of her, I know it so well. I'm selfish and a coward, I can't gather the courage to tell her what I really feel, or act on it. I just... put more walls between us. But she's the most precious thing I've ever met, someone who makes me want to throw away all my preconceptions and ideals, all my self-imposed norms and rules just to have her around. She makes me smile and feel warm with just one look.

I tried to stop myself, I fought so hard, but it was impossible. There wasn't anything to stop me from falling when I had long ago stepped off the cliff.

I think I could try to be better for her, if I were just an ordinary guy; but what about the world I live in? What about all those drama hungry monsters preying on us all? Trying to sell out of our tragedy and private lives? I don't come on my own, I have fans that think I belong to them. I have paparazzi following me, hoping to snap a picture that'll make ends meet for them. I have ruthless reporters waiting for a mistake that will give them something to talk about. And all those people will prey on Ann too if I take her hand and pull her closer. They'll try to get to me through her, they'll try to hurt her just to make me react.

How can I do that to her?

To be honest, that's what scares me the most. I know I would never do something to hurt her, but I can't control the world around us. I don't want any other person to make her cry, I don't want to ever see her crying.

I guess I'm just... protecting her. Even if that kills me, even if holding her tight is all I really want to do. Even if I want to tell her how she makes me feel.

I know my nickname is Ice Prince, which I always thought ridiculous, but if it were true, then Ann melted all the ice. And every time I try to freeze myself again, she smiles at me and it's all gone.

So yes, there's nothing I want more than to selfishly keep her by my side, the only thing that I want more than that is to keep her safe, and to do that, I have to push her away. It hurts me, it hurts her, but it's for the best.

I can't yet fully believe she actually likes me, too. That despite everything I've done to her, after rejecting her over and over again, she still likes me. I should be happy, I should be grateful, but I'm worried.

I'll guess I'll have to live with the memory of that one kiss, of that moment I held her like I really want to do it. That one moment when the world felt whole and the loneliness in my heart was completely vanished.

It was brief, but it was perfect. I, at least, have that, and the confidence she's safe from the monsters that follow me.

I'm protecting her, I tell myself every time I grab my mobile, wanting to call her and tell her the whole truth.

I'm protecting her, I remind myself when I fall asleep and I can only dream of her.

I'm protecting her.