Aware Princess Series (Extra Material)

Wild Deer (Little Shy Ariel)

This one shot is what happens exactly after Harry leaves Ariel and Mare alone in chapter 29 of Little Shy Ariel. Just in case you wanted to know what was going through his head.

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Wild Deer
Harry Styles

I walk inside my room and close the door with a heavy sigh. The day was... eventful, to say the least. It wasn't what I had planned but not for that it was less special. I wanted to make of Ariel's birthday something unique, a nice and quiet day that she would remember. Like her. Sweet and peaceful, like the very lake she loves. She's a simple girl in the sense she's naive. She hasn't really seen the world and her eyes always look with wonder and admiration. She can't ever get enough of what's around but she also gets easily overwhelmed by the unfamiliar things. She's like a new-born bird, dying to fly but scared to fall. I think that's so wonderful and unusual in someone. You can hardly find someone who hasn't been scarred by something in their lives. I mean, it's wonderful that even her mother's death hasn't changed her for bad. I've never seen someone handling death so well. I don't think I could actually smile with such honesty when saying that I still miss that person but it's all right. In my eyes Ariel is remarkable, a pure girl who has been really lucky but at the same time I see someone so scared. Everything is so big for her but at the same time that makes every little step something relevant for her.

That's why I thought that a picnic and a trip on boat would be great for her. Special and romantic. Of course I had to believe I was a well-coordinated person and ruin things. Come on! I almost got us killed. My head really hurts and although she didn't complain I'm sure she was injured, too. And if that wasn't enough I tried to kiss her.

I was dying to kiss her. I've been practically dying to since I saw her smiling radiantly for the first time. She's like a bright star and she's so magnetising. I can't just keep my distance so it's been so hard, extremely hard to control myself. I want to hug her, to stroke her hair, to hold her hand, to cup her face and kiss her slowly but I'm not an imbecile, okay? I know that would be stupid of me. She's not ready. She still gets too nervous around me. I'm sure she's never dated or kissed a guy, considering her condition. I don't want her first kiss to be something that will scare her in any way. She's too special to do that to her.

But we were so close, her hands on my hair and her eyes locked with mine. It was impossible to hold it back. But I saw the panic cross her eyes for a few seconds, that panic you get when you don't know what to do or what's happening. I saw that fear and confusion and I stopped. I don't want to frighten her, no matter how much I want to kiss her.

I don't know if the perfect first kiss exists but I want that for her. I want her to smile at me when we pull back and I want to see joy in her eyes, not panic. She deserves a perfect kiss and if I have to beat myself up inside to control my impulses then I will.

Can you say I'm crazy about her?

I can't point the exact moment when that fascination became something more or when it grew into this but it happened. I think it was like five minutes after she said her first word to me and I realised what an idiot I was.

She makes me want to stay longer at the centre, just to get a few more days with her. My time here is running out and soon I'll have to walk away and I know, I really know, that she'll stay here. This is her home, this is a place where she feels safe. She won't leave this place and I can't take her away from the lake. Then what happens next? I leave and what? Never see her again? That thought actually hurts. But I can't expect her to go to London with me. She can't even bear the thought of going to a party with me, there's no way she'd leave this safe haven for me. She doesn't know me that well.

And even if I manage to convince her to be with me, what happens next? I know the world I live in and it's cruel. A delicate flower like her would be killed in a matter of seconds. Everyone would be in her face and she would probably faint.

Something between Ariel and I is basically impossible outside this place and that thought is extremely depressing.

Maybe it's for the best I didn't kiss her today because I'm afraid that if I do I won't be able to walk away from her. But I'll have to and that will only hurt us both.

It's funny when people say, "you're so famous. You can have any girl you want!" But it's not true. Being famous is not a charm or a magic key. The people that are worth it don't care about the fame and in some cases being famous is just a drawback. All that my fame has done for the girls I've been with is giving them a hard time. Ariel is the purest creature I've ever met, almost like a wild deer that suddenly runs in the motorway with its big black eyes, scared of you, of anything that's not familiar. My reality would be the truck to run her over after I've led her to the motorway.

I can't do that to Ariel.

Then what? What do I do with these feelings inside of me? How do I keep telling myself that the best thing is to keep my distance when all I want to do is being near her?

In one week I'm leaving the centre and I have no clue of what to do. How to approach this problem. Should I even tell her about my feelings? Although I think it's disgustingly obvious, but still. What so I do now?

What do I do?