Radicle (Terminal trilogy #2, can stand alone)

A light pastime

 I had Lilith take me upstairs to a sort of living room the size of an apartment. A few followers were there too, and Lilith had them leave and take an oath not to tell anyone that I was back.

"We sort of knew you were alive. You know, psychically" She said, sitting a good foot away from me on a couch. "But some people started thinking you had just died instead of return to Heaven, so there's a whole off-branch to our church that you died saving us or something. I don't follow it much. They're really just a small sect. But a lot has happened for us without you. I can't really explain it, you know, since your speeches always seemed so effective to me. But without you, we've grown ten fold."

"Do you have numbers?"

"We're at the point we really can't be sure. A lot of people who believe in you do it in private now, not conforming to the rules you set out for us. Here in the church building, we're basically the 'traditionalists'. Everyone is practicing this in different ways. It's mostly out of my control now."

"What are they believing in though? Me? I'm not really sure that's what I had been preaching about." I couldn't actually remember most of what I had spoke about, as all of it was improv. Stacy had always been pushing me to make it more revolutionary, but Lilith was making it out to seem quite domestic.

"Well, us traditionalists stick to what you taught us- you know, abstinence, isolation, prayer, submission. There's a lot of offshoots that sort of worship you as a prophet come to bring Hell into a new age and save them from... er, being demons. I guess that's about the core of our beliefs too, but at least we know you're just a common angel, not the most divine one."

"Uh, wow. I never really meant for it to be interpreted like that. That's sort of disgusting to me, I hope you'll understand, because uh. Yes, no."

"It's definitely made a lot of the Earthly religions pretty upset. You know, the Christians and the like. Kind of upset that we're suddenly really into some angel dude. But you know, I'm Christian, and I sort of feel there's a merit to be had in worshipping someone you know is totally real and out there. I don't believe you angels are God's angels, but I think you're angels all the same. And there's a merit to that, even if I might feel a bit better about praying to God over one of you. You know, a difference. No one ever said I had to keep my faith exclusive."

Lilith spoke quietly, but not out of fear. She was just thinking. Her eyes were still tired, but I liked the way they looked to her left, like what she was contemplating was somewhere beyond my shoulder but utterly tangible in her gaze.

I realized something I should have asked her a long time ago. "Do you have a last name?"

"It's Starlin. I've... told you this before."

"Oh. Lilith Starlin."

"I go by Lily, actually."

"Oh. Can I call you Starlin then? Or, uh... Star? Or Lin? Or Lil? Lily as a name doesn't really work for me."

"Call me whatever you like Nichael."

"Then please continue, Lil."

"We've gotten large enough that just about everyone knows about you. Maybe not what you look like, but at least your name. There's a lot of hostilities, and honestly, Hell's become caught up in the one conflict you'd think a bunch of demons would be able to avoid: a conflict of faith. It's kind of funny, I guess, in one of those ridiculous ways."

"How much do you believe in me?" It was sort of hard to concentrate on the story she was telling when I couldn't stop thinking about Lil. Did she honestly worship me? She had started this, technically, didn't that mean she knew it was nothing more than an overblown cult?

"I know you're not a god, or a prophet, or perfect. I just think you're an angel, which you are, come down to Hell to spread a message, which you did. My grounds of belief past that are strictly personal."

"Personal?"

"Well, from how long I've known you, I've sort of figured out that you're very loyal, definitely true to your heart, and though I sometimes figure you don't know it, a purely good person."

I sort of frowned then.

"You disagree?"

"A lot."

"Well, don't stress over it too long." Lil chewed on her lips while she waited for me to speak. I watched curiously. "What will you do now?" She asked finally.

I knew exactly what I was going to do next, but I didn't want to tell her about it. So I changed the subject. "How long have you been in Hell?"

"About seven years. One year of confusion. One year in the army. Five years doing this."

"What does your demonic form look like?"

She blushed. "Well..." I could physically see her pause. Then she drew out her horns- they were short and sharp- and then slipped off her shirt so she could bring out her simple black wings. She looked honestly like a poster of a demon, so stereotypical. Her teeth were short and neat fangs. She even had a narrow dark tail that slipped from below her skirt, though it ended in a point instead of an arrow.

I leaned over and stroked her wing's texture, quite like how she often did to me. Leathery was one way to describe it, I guess. I'd mostly use rough.

"It's as different to you as it is to me." Lil said. I examined her horns next. They had a sort of red tint to them, through the blackness, and had ridges the whole length.

"You have a lot more variety though. I only have my wings."

Lil didn't seem fed up with my sort of inappropriate fascination for touching the demonic parts of her body, but I started to feel pretty self conscious about it and backed off before I really had a chance to examine her tail.

As I backed away from her, Lil drew closer. We were already sitting next to each other, but now I felt her leg touch mine. It wasn't the first time she had done this, and it continued to feel as uncomfortable as ever. Her wing, really quite small to be honest, found it's way to my back. I touched it, trying to draw it away, but I found myself unwilling to grip it too tightly or force Lil away from me.

Wasn't I free now? Wasn't this what freedom meant? I didn't want to abandon Michael, but at this point I really couldn't define what part of that was my will and what part of it was his. I felt an obligation, I suppose.

And I think it was about time I stopped feeling that way.

"So Lil, exactly how do you think my followers are going to feel when they hear I'm back?"

"Overjoyed, probably." She blinked in confusion at my sudden shift from physical action to conversation, but that shift was soon forgotten as I decided to try my hand at kissing.

And from there, it didn't really stop. I had no idea what I was doing, or even what I was hoping to achieve, but with a bit of help from Lil I found myself enjoying in her flesh quite profusely.

I drew out my wing, she pulled at my feathers, and I tried to always keep a hand on something demonic about her- a reminder of what I was doing. I wasn't sure if I was reminding myself as a warning or to draw more pleasure from the event, but honestly, now was definitely not the place to be thinking about these things.

It was sex, pure and simple, and when we were done I was not at all feeling how I thought I'd be feeling. Not really empty, not really different. I just felt sort of tired and honestly quite happy to be laying on this couch in Hell with a woman I wasn't really that familiar with but still had a certain kind of piteous fondness for. And though Lil excused herself shortly after, wiggling her way out of my grasp and hurrying to get dressed and leave the room, I was quite happy to just lay for a while.

It wouldn't be long before other followers started filing into this room again. And I probably should be at least dressed for that.

But I didn't really feel like it, so I rolled over onto my back and let myself rest.