Sometimes, it's just not worth it.

Part One

The dictionary describes a friend as ‘a person whom one knows and has a bond of mutual affection’.

Louis wasn’t just my friend. He was my rock; he was the main reason I stayed on this earth longer than I’d originally thought I would. When I was 16 I planned my death. It was going to be quick and clean, I was going to swallow some sleeping pills and leave it up to someone to find me. But as I walked to the pharmacy to purchase the little bottle of salvation, I saw a flash of auburn hair and before I knew it, I was on the pavement. I stood myself up, noticing that the auburn head of hair had a small body attached to it. He was shorter than I was, and I flushed red from embarrassment because I’d just been knocked down by someone of his height. He apologised and introduced himself as Louis Tomlinson. I didn’t say much, I just let him talk. He was such a happy person, and I found him intriguing. My feet suddenly had a mind of their own and I found myself walking along with him, in the opposite way to what I was going before.

So, that’s how Louis and I met. We quickly became friends and kept in touch. Louis had promised that every Thursday night he would ring me after he finished work. I began looking forward to those calls more and more. We spent most of our time together on weekends and when Louis joined the local football team, I went and watched every game and every practise. I moved out of home, much to the disappointment of my mother, and moved in with Louis into a two bedroom flat he’d bought when he’d first moved to town. For Lou’s 19th birthday we went to a bar, and because I was 17 and underage I stayed at a table drinking a coke while Louis was out on the dance floor grinding with someone to an Usher song; I could see the look of utter happiness as he danced with the girl. I had a longing feeling deep in my stomach and my body was beginning to become warm. I was getting jealous of these people out on the floor that got to dance with Louis. It was at that point that I realised I was beginning to fall for my best friend.