"6 & Davidson Series" (True) Life Stories By; Roberto Dilemma

"6 & Davidson Series-VOL#4-"Put that Sick Dog Down" (Roberto Delima)

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“6 & Davidson Series-Vol#4-Put that sick fuckin’ Dog Down”

    This part of the “ 6 & Davidson Series” is not a work of FICTION!
It’s all  TRUE! All these fucked up people and these tripped out places…they are in this world!
Nothing in this story is from “Anything’s Imagine Nation”. (Especially Mine! You can’t make this kind of stuff up)
    Stack them Bibles up, I’ll start swearing on them,
    But reading this has been known to “FOR SURE” cause people to cut wet, stinky, but silent farts.
During reading of this, women of all ages “POOKIE’s” started making a dog's squeaky toy noise, over, and over and over!!!
This has in turn  created a smell of warm semi decayed baloney. (& Wax Paper Bonnets)
    THAT VERY QUICKLY HAS DOGS CHASING THEIR TAILS - AND MEN SPROUTING THEM.!
    Yes the living people, the dead people, & the people in “Limbo” and “Purgatory”,
They are all real this time!
      The places, oh yea, still there,… some of them?. (Some burnt down, some fell down ,some were torn down, and god knows what the fuck took, “The Haunted Church!!!”)
    So feel free to steal “This Bad Ass True Story”. I really don’t give a shit, write your name on it.
Tell everyone you wrote it. Then they’ll think your “COOL” (like me.) “You will end up having. LOTS of Friends”. (like ME) You will become quite well off even.(kind of like Me?) Go a head transmit it! Lone it, lease it, transfer it.
Be it’s pimp, (man or woman “doesn’t matter”)
#1-Fist Spit on a retrieval system.
#2-Stick it very slowly in the spitted up retrieval system.
#3- Work it into the retrieval, pull it out real fast, then slam it back in, HARD! By all means, electronic, mechanical, use your Imagine Nation.
    Then PUBLICLY Exhibit it! In all it’s glorious forms and formats & codec’s, and  wav files, MP3, MP4, AVI, MOV, hit it with red ray, blue ray.  MAKE IT GLOW LIKE A RAINBOW”!
Due to content- (similar to, “THE BIBLE”)
It contains ideas descriptive or advocating suicide or assisted suicide. Incest, bestiality, Sadomasochism, sexual activity in violent content. Murder, Morbid violence. Drugs alcohol, Homosexuality, voyeurism, Revenge, undermining authority figures, lawlessness, and human rights violations and atrocities.
Plus there’s a lot  of  fuckin’ swearing!

“ Put That Fuckin!!! Sick Dog Down” (Roberto Dilemma)

     About a few months before Uncle Dave died I asked him, “Do you regret anything, would you change anything,”?
    Fuckin dude winked at me, smiled with a cigarette stuck in his teeth and said, “I wouldn’t change a fuckin’ thing”.
    Now I see it. He knew he lived longer then he ever thought humanly possible.
Longer then, anyone and everyone that knew him thought possible!
     Barrowed time, and heroin dreams. Had to have been a junkie for 35, 40 years.
His monkey was cheep to feed at $100.00 a day, it was usually considerably higher.
Never done me wrong, EVER, might have made bad karma?  That didn’t seem to be the case.
That Mother Fucker WON! Yea, he wrote the last chapter to his own story, and had no regrets about shit. He lived  his life most Intensely!
         Well Donald and “Slickster” come back to the sweaty butt crack in Georgia, “PO’ Valley”.
They called it PO’ Valley because everyone was poor, but no one could pronounce it. (or spell it)
     “Ol Uncle Donald comes home from the NAVY.
 28 god-damn years in the fuckin’ NAVY. The United States Of Amerika, NAVY!!! Didn’t learn enough to work at a, “Urinal Pubic Hair Removal Service”.
     Had rank, “Time in grade“…lots of stripes.
The U.S. Navy stuck his ass in the street for being a fat body.
They gave him YEARS to loose that weight, trainer, nutrionist. He doesn’t have a lot of sense.
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THEN THERE’S THE RETURN OF “The Slickster”.

     Now “Slickster” kamikazed in in out of south TEXAS. Came in a “Slickster Mobile”,
Rock & Roll Suicide forward, and fuckin’ “Bad To The Bone” on a warped “Vicktrola” 78 R.P.M. record.
 Came to Mama’s House. Started acting like a fuckin’ crazed freak, from outer space.
A nasty “Space” where humans should just stay the hell away!
    So Ma throws out with the Ol’ Rob Signal. Like “Studa-Baker-Hawk” (Super Hero)
    She squakin’ on the horn, like,  “ Rob He’s Nuts!!!, I don’t live like this, Rob Come and get him he's out of his fuckin’ mind”. Here talk to him yourself….
    
     My suck-ass phone goes off just as I’m trying do decide what language “Slickster” thinks he’s speaking. (Call waiting)
     It’s Uncle Donald. He needs ten bucks and a ride to his S&M mistress, named” Pinky“. Real name, “Tampon Puma”, Good woman. “Talk around town was, she’s a hoodoo priestess, talks in tongues.”
Just providing a service for the crazy ass white folk that don’t know what to do with their life, or their  money. (More Dollars then Sense.)
     The Pink, now she’s dug a dungeon. A hole thing in the side of the hill. Looks like an old mine shaft, oil lights flickering.  Torches stuck on the walls.  Chains on the walls. A Rack…torture devices you'd never think of.  They’d cause you to have nightmares just getting a look at them.
     Now the “Pinkster” had a couple daughters, one 13 and the other about 10.
She’d have some Swiss millionaire  guy, came all this way with the big bucks to be tortured and humiliated.
     They find her on her “international” web site…
Well first thing she does is her crazy ass mombo dance. Then she slaps most of those freaks around.
    She bites off their Ears (one at a time) if they get bad with her. She’s got a pickle jar full of ears. She shows them to un-ruly customers. Then she puts a blind fold on them. They never know what’s going on.
     Sometimes she pours gravy on  their toes while their chained to the wall. The dog licks it off.
 I don’t have any Idea what these men paying big BUCKS for this entertainment think. But…They get off on stuff like this all the time.
    Sometimes, I’ll be hanging out burning a fatty with “The Pink”.
    She yells to her girls,  “Who turn is it to spank the old man”? (Like she’s telling them to feed the dog or something, casual)
     “Not mine”, said the little one, “I burned him on the balls with a bic lighter Daddy taught me to light., Just this mourning”.
      The older daughter grabs a newspaper, “he's been chained to the wall for hours, he’s drank two bottles of “Mad-Dog” he’s probably “Piddled” somewhere?” She skips out to, ”The Dungeon”.
     
     Now Uncle Donald, he’s a "little" money “local.” He usually gets all tied up with his man bobbies hanging out all sick, ...gross to say the least. Sometimes (if he’s got the extra money, he’ll have the “Mouse Traps” slapped onto his nips.! Ooouch!)
      Now none of this shit is stuff I would ever pay for. (no offense to the reader if this is the knd of stuff they get into)
I’m sure my own wife would love to torture me if that’s what I really needed to get, “MY Jollies”. But No.
    
    Now I know how many of you sick little pups, laying in puddles of your own bile are thinking, “I love that fuckin’ Shit”!  Ladies flickin’ their bics, and dudes tuggin” like it was a tug of war!
At least don’t get things gooey.
    I figure I don’t need two Loony tunes at once. I’ll drop Donald off at the “Pink Chamber of Torture”.
I say hi to  Pinks kids while Pink goes sets stuff up.
The girls laugh till tears run down their faces as they unfurl the insane perversions of uncle Donald.
I flip them a C-note to rack on his change purse with a cat of nine tails for twenty minutes or so. “Hell” the little one shouts (she wants to be a Doctor)” I’ll drive a finishing nail into his pelvic bone for that?”
   “No need little one”, I reply.
   “We’ll Save that little pleasure for later in Ol’ Uncle Donald’s life”
    She sighs.
    Plus I reminded them, I was not made out of money, I do not shit money, Money doesn’t grow on trees.
  
     Let Uncle Donald pay to his own “Freak” off.
The girls said he likes the, I’m  a bad dog game?
“He piddles on the floor, all tied up.”
These, folk know their fancy knots. Tying a freak is most of the fun, “They Say”?
     I finally pick up “The Slickster”.
    God, lord god…how the fuck he looked.     He looked like Elvis, while in the mist of the fatal dump…. If I had to pick him up from the airport, I wouldn’t have know who the hell he was. Stranger still, he wouldn’t know who the hell he was either.
I try to talk to him. Oh he’s not even himself anymore. He’s obviously suffering.
I try to relate to him. I’m taking him to Our House, he’ll get cleaned up.
I call my Nephew, “Andrew the younger”
If anyone will understand, if anyone, “GETS IT” it’ll be him.
     He comes right over. Now “Slickster” has taken a Shower. But the second he laid down on Lilster’s bed…the "shot out idiot",  piddles!!! (Just a little leak, but enough to have to change the bedding)
     I get a roll up newspaper and smack him on his nose ,over and over ,going bad, bad, no peeing on other people’s bed’s!! Bad!!””     Bad!”
Now he crying and making choking hog sounds.
      Andy, with one sliver tear in his left eye- looks at me and says, “He’s suffering”.
     I say, “That’s what I thought”
    Then Andy, speaks what we know we were both thinking.
    “We’re gonna have to “Put-Him-Down”
   “You know a cheap VET?” I ask.
“ I got a friend, that works cleaning up after the dogs at night, maybe he’ll do it”? He’s going to school to be a vet” (Andy’s Idea)
So We call the guy up and tell him, “hey he’s loved, It’s just, he don’t even know where the fuck or who the fuck he is?”..." Can't control his peeing and pooping."
     By this time I’m sobbing uncontrollably
He says, “Bring Him in”
Now Andy and I are very, very, sad, we don’t plan on telling anyone.
But then we get to the vet at about seven in the evening.
    Then the guy “Trying to be a Vet” says, “I thought you were talking about an old dog!!!…I can’t put a god-damn Human down, fuk that’s murder!”(what is it when done to a healthy Dog or Cat?)
     Wanna-be-vet-boy isChristian, sheeple, so I say, “Hey what do you think Abe Lincoln would want?”
(While flashing him Five bucks as a bribe)
” I can’t”, the guy says. “He doesn’t even look like a dog.”
     So, just like in some old corny movie or some shit, a light bulb goes off over my head.
We go to, “Party Center” and hell yea! They got a “Scooby Do Costume”
(More Money we didn't  want to spend)
We take him back in costume.
I left the young blood Vet-boy with three quarters of my “Wild Irish Rose” (Bottle of cheap strong wine)
“Oh yes he says”, Obvious tipsy. “A sick very old, very ugly, tattered hound.
…a Dirty Mutt no Less”...."Soiled Himself".
    Then The “Slickster” starts to talk, (and make odd grunts & farts)
    The young vet worker gets so freaked out, he shoots him seven times with a tranquilizing gun.
Now “Slickster” says the one and only thing that could be mistaken as English,
"Why You Fuckin' wit my BuZZzzzz"...
   The Vet Boy He’s too freaked out to notice…he runs out.
I go and tell him,” he’ll be out in no time with those spear things all in his body.",

"Do ya think you over reacted?”
   “ Hell No” He ‘s mad….Mad!!! I tell you, did you see him foaming at the mouth.”
    “Yes” I agree, “Rabid…I’m sure of it. “
    So nephew Andrew the Younger, says to the man. “How much extra to get him fixed”
The kid says ,“TEN BUCKS. “
Andy says, “I’ll give you three.”.

“SOLD”, the young man says.
    Then he ask, “If your just putting him to sleep, why get him fixed?”
    I ask him, “Have you accepted Jesus as lord and personal savior in your life ? Would he like to pray with me a minute. GOD died for him. Jesus, Cool Dude- got toured for HIM!!!”
(Had his name written on a slip of parchment, the very day he got nailed to that god damn cross)

    So I say, “He don’t wanna worry about having pups in HEAVEN! Puppies he isn't gonna want or care for”.
This made perfect sense to Vet Boy.
   So the “Slickster” is now out of his misery. We thought of selling his body to, “The Horney Dog Franks CO. Inc.” Frank the genetically altered dog that runs the factory. He buys a lot of old Alien autopsy meat, and gets quite a bit from animal shelters. (and homeless shelters)
    We decide against this. (might make the family sad?)
     Oh fuck more money, but I got some cost cutting Ideas.
    We put together his I-Pod with all the phone messages  that no one could understand what he was saying. 8GB worth of bullshit.
A CD of him singing like someone raping a male cat, “Fatty Arbuckle style!”
I add a  bit of acrylic color to his face. Comb his hair. Put his Mr. Rogers sweater on him, and dump a gallon and a half of a real nice clear, plastic polymer, Pour it over him. Spread it around with a brush.
Perfect.
We get the phone message I-Pod working, motion activated  (electronics taken from old Halloween dish), so he seems to start talking when you pass him, or walk up to him.
    Everyone comments on how good he’s looking.
So all, and all,….
    If I ever find a fuckin buzz I think is more important then anything…ANYTHING!
Shoot me with a diamond bullet, right in between my eyes or , dead center of forehead.
I got a Mayan crystal skull.
Nothing short of a diamond bullet to the skull CAN kill me.

-End- (for now?)