Careful Where You Stand (Sequel to Stand Behind The Music)

Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Song: Bones Shatter by Hedley

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It's been a week since the allergy incident with Gabe. He came home that night, the doctor telling us that he needed a lot of rest, something about him being weak and easily exhausted. He's been in bed ever since then, allowed to leave the house just for a little while to get fresh air. The doctor's been doing house calls for Gabe, I have a hunch he's hiding something, normal doctors don't do house calls just to help their bed-ridden patient. There’s definitely something about Gabe that the doctor hasn't told us but Liz told me to leave it alone for a while, assuring me that nothing is wrong, and of course I'm forced to believe her. He's had Liz and me at his service and disposal. 

Although hostile at first, I know he's opening up to me. He doesn't constantly push me away anymore; he lets me in his room, which is a huge milestone for us. And even though he denies it, I know he's starting to like me, and even though she says she doesn't care I can tell it pleases Liz a bit to see her son and boyfriend getting along.  

Speaking of Liz, she has been getting easier to help. She stopped being distant, she's coming back to how she was before. But it's hard to look at that instead of the things she's doing to destroy herself. Every day I see her inject chemicals into her skin, needles filled with drugs that are slowly killing her. The specks of needles on her forearm have been increasing, and she doesn't even bother to hide it anymore. She knows that I can't stop her, she knows that I can't do anything to help her, not that she wants my help. 

She's been miserable and it's so hard to just sit there and take it. Not to mention she's looked so much weaker and lifeless and it hurts to see her just waste away. It hurts that I can't do anything about it. But she’s getting better, nonetheless.

I've stood up to her about it, using the "What will Gabe say?", "What will Nick say if he saw this?" or "Do you think this is fair to Gabe?" excuses, and at that moment I always see a look of regret flash through her eyes, that gives me the tiniest ounce of hope. But that's soon gone, and she's back to filling herself up with that despicable heroin.

 "Again? It's your third one today" I pointed out as I walked into our room, after dinner, ready to hit the sack. 

"I need it" She said emptying out the needle of heroin into her skin and disposing it into the bag she had on the side. I went to sit down besides her, picking up an alcohol wipe from the dresser in the process. I lifted her left arm where the piercings of the syringe were still fresh, swiping the wipe over the cut trying to mend the wound that substance had created. I heard Liz wince harshly from the stinging feeling, but still didn't pull away. It was the first time she had let me do this to her and trusting me to heal her wounds. She was letting me take care of her, and that made me a little bit happy. 

Although I wanted to tell her that it wouldn't hurt if she hadn't done drugs like the ones that she did, but I didn't want to argue with her while she was in severe pain. I decided to let it go for now, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't bring it up.

After she was done, she got up and changed openly into her pajamas. She wasn't shying away from me, she let me see her, she let me touch her. Even though it has been months since she last kissed me, and my lips ache for her kiss, these small gestures made it better. She still needed time to love me again the way I loved her, and I learnt to be okay with that. 

She came back to bed, rolling off to her side, as far away from me as possible. We both lay on our backs, both of us knowing that the other wasn't yet asleep. "You don't need it you know" I murmured, but I knew she heard it. I needed to tell her this, and now seemed just as good as time as any.