Careful Where You Stand (Sequel to Stand Behind The Music)

Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Song: She's So Sorry by Hedley

~~~

"Bye" I said as I stepped out of the car the boys were driving. "You lads sure you can't come in, Lizzy would love to see you. And Gabe needs to meet you too" I said trying to convince them to come in.

"Harry we have reservations, we'll be late. Why don't you and Liz come with us?" Liam asked.

"I think Liz and I aren't going to spend time together. And you guys are going to end up in a bar or a club and I'm not letting my son in those places" I joked, yet I was also completely serious.

"Ooh your son? You mean your girlfriend's son" Louis teased. I felt the blush on my cheeks. To be honest I didn't even realize I had called Gabe that, but I guess I wanted to. We got really close, and I loved him like he was my own so what difference does it really make. To me, Gabe is my son, hopefully one day he'll let me call him that, and also cal me Dad. Or daddy, whatever he likes.

"Whatever. Bye guys" I said waving to them, not wanting to be away from Liz any longer.

The boys were in LA for a week or so for vacation and they wanted to hang out so I thought why not. We asked Liz to come with us bowling but she had her therapy session, which was far more important and something she couldn't cancel, and I didn't want her to cancel either. It was helping her and I didn't want to take away from that.

I walked through the door into the house, kicking off my shoes. I walked into the living room, hoping to find someone in the house, probably Liz though, since Gabe was visiting his uncle. The house was pretty quiet, not a person in sight. It was odd because Liz's therapy was at home, yet she wasn't done. I walked further in, hearing soft voices coming from the covered patio in the backyard.

I guess Lizzy was still having her session with her therapist, Casey. I was just about to walk away when I heard my name being used.

"How are things with Harry, then?" I heard Casey ask.

"Okay..." Liz said, from what I could hear. Okay? Things were amazing. After she came back home last night. She voluntarily held my hand, she didn't push me away, she held me tightly. She said those three words that I craved to hear for over a year. She said "I love you" to me and I was ecstatic.

We were becoming so much closer, becoming a real couple. We were moving on from the past and starting new. How could she think we were just okay? We were doing great.

"Did you tell him what I suggested?" Casey asked slowly.

"Yeah..." Liz replied quietly, probably not wanting to go in detail. But then again, she was with a therapist; it's implied that they would get to the bottom of this situation.

"What aren't you telling me? Don't lie, you know I can see right through it" She urged on. It was true, Liz could lie to anyone but Casey, she knew Liz well enough that she knew everything about her.

"It's just...when I said it to him...I felt this huge weight like I knew I was lying to him" She started. What did she say to me that was making her miserable? That was causing her so much stress? "You know every time he tells me that he loves me, I always feel this burden to say it back, and when you told me to tell him I love him, I felt that burden again, but it was because I knew I was lying. I care about him, a lot, but truth is I don't know if I love him" She finished.

I was shocked. That was the only reason she said she loved me. The whole time I went on thinking that she loves me, and that we are getting close, and that if I ask her to marry me she'll say yes. I went on thinking that we would stay together forever. But it was a lie. She only said that because she was told to. It was part of her therapy to open up to me, to fake affection. And I fell for it. I fell head over heels for it.

"Why do you think that? Why is it a burden? He loves you regardless and you know that" Casey asked, trying to dig deeper.

"It's just I know he loves me, just as much as Nick did. And if I don't say it back, he might leave, just like Nick did"

"You know he loves you he would never leave. He promised remember" She pointed out correctly. "The question is, do you love him? Truthfully? Do you want to?"

Just then a bell rang, providing me from missing the answer to her question. Opening the door I found Gabe, running in and giving me a huge hug. I picked up Gabe and went o go sit in the living room with him, watch some TV. I wanted to hear the end of Casey and Liz's conversation but not with Gabe here.

Not more than 10 minutes later Casey and Liz walked into the house from the backyard. Casey waving bye to all of us and leaving the house, promising to return the day after tomorrow.

Liz came down and sat beside me. She picked up my hand holding it tightly, braiding our fingers. But I couldn't respond. My mind was too preoccupied to think of anything other than what I had just heard. That Liz didn't really love me. All of what happened last night was a joke, it was her therapy, it meant less than nothing to her.

I was doing everything I could, giving my all to her, taking care of her, and loving her with everything I had but she didn't love me back. After a year of being sort of together, she still didn't love me with all her heart. And that just made me question if she ever will love me.

I felt a growing weight on my right side, Liz fully cuddled into me now, her eyes begging for me to do something to reciprocate but I just sat there, letting her cling on to me as much as she wanted. I could tell her eyes were staring into the side of my head. I turned to look at her and was immediately met with her sad, pleading blue eyes. Her eyes asked me for affection, for reassurance.

Her eyes were my weakness, I could never resist them. Reluctantly I put my chin on top of her head showing her my affection. She gave me a hug, not really letting go.

Gabe left the room, to go play upstairs, leaving us alone together. Every passing second Liz got closer to me, if that was even possible. She was wearing me down, and in less than 2 minutes those negative thoughts about her feelings for me were gone.

I had to remember she said she cared for me, she genuinely did, that was something right? One day that will turn into something more, I just had to wait for that day patiently.

I tuned back into reality, noticing we were sitting closer than ever, her entire left side, sticking to my right. I held her hand in mine, looking at her, my eyes training in on every one of her features. I had never really noticed the small details about her, her small nose piercing shining as the light reflected easily off of it, making it seem like a diamond. Her eyes that had specks of green mixed in with the blue. The birthmark that skimmed her upper cheek. The tattoo on the back on her ear that I was sure was new. The scar she had across her collarbone, again a new scar that wasn't there a couple months ago. I soaked in every little detail.

She looked at me with her blue eyes, a mix of emotions buried in them. No words were said, as I continued to look at her, as she did to me. We were so close, our faces not more than inches apart, and I had this urge, to feel her lips on mine. We were sitting so close, my eyes traveling from hers to her lips and back again.

I couldn't control the urge anymore, and I knew she probably wasn't ready to kiss me yet. I was about to get up and walk out to calm myself down, when I felt a pair of lips on mine. Her soft, plump lips connected with mine, and it felt amazing. That feeling that I had been waiting to obtain again for months was finally here.

I went to deepen the kiss, but I started hearing small whimpers. I opened my closed eyes to see Liz's lips no longer on mine, her face in her hands, and her sobs shaking her whole body. I tried to ask her what was wrong but she left the living room, jetting out the door, leaving me all alone, to wonder what I did wrong. Leaving me with rage that had returned thinking about how her "love" for me was an actual lie. Leaving me with those thoughts that had drifted back into my mind, did she even want to love me, if she ever will. To wonder if she even wanted me.

I knew she wasn't ready for this. I shouldn't have given in to her kiss, I should've pushed her away, but I was too consumed by lust and love. I couldn't just sit there while she left; I wanted to see what was up, so naturally I went after her.

I had expected her to have left, I thought I would see her speeding off in the car, but instead I was greeted with a broken girl sitting in the driver's seat. I knew she wanted to leave; she just didn't have the strength to at the moment. She was too weakened by her sobs to think properly or do anything properly right now.

I walked up to the car, gently knocking on the window; her face looked up to me startled. Her eyes were red and puffy, tears staining her cheeks, she looked a mess. Her hands were taken off of her face, and went to the inside of the door. A clicking sound was heard and I assumed she took my concern as my request to be let in. I went around to the other side of the car, never taking my eyes off of her, although by the way she shrank in her seat, I might've come off as a bit intimidating.

I opened the car, stuffing myself into the passenger seat, immediately grabbing Lizzy in a hug. I cradled her delicate figure in my arms, as I let her cry the rest of her tears until she was ready to explain, which was quicker than I thought.

"Ok. Now, what happened? You kissed me and ran away" I said with a playful undertone, trying to lighten the mood.

"I'm sorry. I thought I was ready for this but I can't" She cried, her words chocking slightly from the tears. "All I think of is how can I be here kissing someone when Nick is dead? How can I feel happy when Nick is gone?" She finished.

So that's what this was about. She thought just because Nick had passed away, she couldn't be happy, she couldn't show affection?

"So then why did you kiss me? You didn't have to. We could've waited" I told her trying to comfort her, to make her feel better.

"Harry no. You don't deserve that. You don't deserve to be treated like this. You stay with me all the time, taking care of me, giving me everything you can. You love me when I know that no one else can. And the least you deserve is someone that loves you back. I know I can't love you as much as you deserve. I'm not capable of that. But Harry, I want to at least make you feel loved, and if holding your hand, and kissing you, and having sex with you is what it takes then..."

I really couldn't believe she was saying all this. I was practically a burden on her and that's the last thing I would want to be. It was because of me that she was being close, it was to make me happy, and even though I was, I didn't want her to be miserable for me. That wouldn't make me happy.

"Listen to me. I stay here because I love you. And you are very much capable of love-" I started but was interrupted quickly,

"Harry I'm not. I don't have anymore room in my heart; I don't have any more love to give. I gave all my love to Nick and Fiona and Gabe, and 2 of them are dead and I know I should move on and love other people. But I can't, everything in my mind keeps telling me that I can't love other people because the ones I did are dead. It feels wrong...and what I'm trying to say is I don't have any love to really give, and I feel horrible because you really deserve it." She told me.

I was speechless; she was doing all this for me. She was going out of her way to show me affection, but even that seemed to put a toll on her. What she was trying to show me was not real, but she was trying. She really did care enough to do something that didn't make her happy, just for my happiness.

She will love me one day. I want to keep up that hope that she will come around but as every day goes my hope starts getting lost.



(A/N so we're close to the end of this series. Maybe like 4 or 5 more chapters and the epilogue. But I'm going to finish it quickly. Hope you liked this chapter. VOTE. COMMENT. FAN.)