Careful Where You Stand (Sequel to Stand Behind The Music)

Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Song: Sweater Song by Hedley

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She couldn't love me. I waited a year for her to come around, thought she finally had, but no. I was stupid to think she'd ever actually love me. She couldn't. I can wait here my whole life but she'd never love me. I'd just be another regular person in her life, when I wanted to mean as much to her as she did to me, I wanted to mean the world to her like she did to me.

I couldn't deal with this. I couldn't stay knowing that she'll never love me. I thought I would be able to bear it, knowing that one day she'll come around, but that's what i've been telling myself for over a year. How much longer can I keep giving myself fake assurance? How long can i keep pretending that she might love me when she probably never will? 

I folded the last of my shirts, flattening it comepletely into the suitcase that was lying on the bed. I flipped the cover back on, sitting on top of it, trying to close it. Once that was done, I dropped the suitcase on the floor, and then I heard a small whimper. I expected Gabe, but I was pleasantly surprised, "What's going on? Why are you packing? Where are you going?" I heard Liz ask from the doorway. 

I didn't have the urge to turn and face her, i knew as soon as I did I would be met by blue eyes and I'd change my mind, which is something i cannot do again. "I need to leave" I stammered out, not sure how she'd take it. 

"Oh...when are you getting back?" She asked soft and hopefully, but I knew that somewhere in her mind she knew the answer already. That i wouldn't be. I didn't even bother replying, my silence confirming what she had the small doubt of. I kept working around the room, grabbing my odd and ends into my duffle bag. She just stood there, staring at me as i did what I needed to. I heard her mumble something that I didn't quite hear, so I asked her to repeat it. "I said, you finally got tired of me and my life". i chuckled in response, she couldn't be anymore wrong. "Well I hope you find someone perfect for you, someone who actually deserves you and your love, and someone who loves you endlessly" She said, her voice wavering. 

I turned to look at her for the first time, she had glassy eyes, pointed upwards trying to stop the tears from falling. Normally I would go hug her and kiss her until she stopped being sad but for some reason I felt offended at what she said, I was going to set her straight. "I'm not leaving because I'm tired of you. No, I love you way too much. I love you and Gabe too much. And you always say that i deserve better, and even if you think that I dont. I don't think it can get any better than you, to be honest. I'm completely and hopelessly in love with you" I rambled, looking her staright in the eye. 

"So then why are you leaving?" 

"I'm leaving because i can't keep waiting around anymore. I've waited too long, and it tortures me to see the love of my life might never love me back. In fact it tortures me to see you so burdened by just my presence. I don't want to put you through that. You know I might never find someone I love as much as I love you, I might die alone but I'l die knowing that you were even just a little better without my burden on you shoulders. Maybe you'll find someone else to love, and then I'll be fine knowing that I let you be with you soul mate. So you know what I love you with all I have, but I just can't wait and I can't hold you back anymore" I said, tears brimming my eyes.

I turned away quickly, walking over to out shared dresser, picking up everyone of my belongings and stuffing it into the bag. I tried my hardest to push those tears back into my eyes anything to stop them from falling. And then I came across a picture of Liz and I. The first one we had taken together. She sat there looking smug and a bit surprised, and I was kissing her cheek. This photo got me so many death threats and so much hate when i posted it, at that time only hoping for fame, but I got so much more. I got the love of my life, I actually fell for Liz. And at that time I thought she loved me too, but she didn't, what could I have done? I went along with it for long enough, now I need to let go.

I placed the picture back on te dresser, facing it downward, not wanting to see it. That was pretty much the last thing, other than that I was done. I pushed my duffle bag over my shoulder, grabbiong my suitcase with the other hand, and wheeling it out of the room. I couldn't even bother to look back, nothing more that just trrible memories in here. Everytime Liz has been with someone in here that wasn't me, all those times I made her cry, those 2 months when i was prisoned in this room when Lizzy left. I kept walking util i reached the foyer and front door, Liz right behind me.

"Take this" She said handing me the picture i had put down, she knew how much I loved it, how much i wanted to keep that with me forever but I couldn't get mself through that. "As a memory?" She proposed. I saw a single tear make it's way down her cheeks, and she did nothing to wipe it off, but I did.

I grabbed the picture, placing it gently in my bag. "Where's Gabe?" I asked, wanting to see that precious boy's face before leaving forvere. RIght as his name was called, he appeared in front of me.

"Where you going?" He asked cutely.

"Away" I replied simply, crouching to level myself with him.

"When you coming back?" He asked tugging on the beanie I wore, desperate to see my curly hair, which I knew he adored.

"I don't know. I might not..." I mumbled hoping he wouldn't hear but unfortunately he did, and the face he made when he did, became so irreseistable. He clung on to me instantly.

"No don't leave" He pleaded, and my first thought was to look at Liz. She stood there with more tears streaming down her face, looking conflicted and hesitant.

"But I'll still see you, whenever you want. You can call and I'll be here to see you right away. Okay?" I offered, when he pulled back.  

 I didn't really get a response from him, he just ran off, but I didn't have time to chase after him. "Well, I should get going then, flight back to London to catch" I said solemly, and I could hear her cries, no matter how quiet she tried to be. 

I turned around headed for the door, no goodbye, no hug, nothing. Just going to leave without another word.

I opened the door agonizingly slowly, not ready to leave really. Just as I was about to step out I heard a voice. "Wait!"

I turned around to where the voice came from, Liz stood there fully bawling at this point. "Don't leave" She said for the first time ever, running up to me, hugging me with all her strenght. It was nice to hear her say that, it was nice to feel wanted but i couldn't stay. "Please...I love you" She stuttered, her voice gettiing chocked by the sobs.

She pulled back, wiping all her tears, composing herself fully. And then she did something I never expected. She gently placed her lips on mine. Kissing me, and i felt such a spark, one I had never felt with her before, nut I loved it. Our lips moved together, molded perfectly, and moving in sync.

When we both pulled back, she smiled at me. "They say you never know what you had until it's gone. I know that you're the best thing I have. i can't let you go. I'm in love with you" She said, and it was nice to hear it coming from her.

"Honestly?" I asked for assurance.

"Its the first time i kissed you without crying. That says something. I'm in love with you, and I'm sorry for not realizing it before" She said shying away.

I didn't need to respond. I just pulled her lips to mine again, felling the passion, the lust and the the true love.

(A/N So is the second last chapter. Just because I want to end this book already. So hope you guys liked it. VOTE. COMMENT. FAN)