Fractured

Chapter 20

Chapter 20

Between Luke and I in the past, there have always been extensive periods of time where things would be just tense or awkward.  It was different this time.  This was torture.  Awkward and tense... we passed that level.  I wouldn't consider that an achievement though.  There weren't any prizes; just the glorious floor I kept my eyes glued to when I was in his presence.

We barely spoke a word to each other the whole day.  He would look one way, I would look the other and we would pretend as if there wasn't the biggest Elephant in the world between us. I could feel he was embarrassed and I felt  the same but I knew he must feel like a complete ass after I ran away from him last night.  And that was the last thing I wanted, the last thing he deserved. 

When Luke got home from work, he and I headed over to his parents house for what would be most likely a very sad even for all the Prentas.  So by that point, still nothing was mentioned - which was fine.  We needed to set aside everything for this because I knew how important this was - especially for Luke.  Of course, that terrible feeling was there between us.  But we just needed to ignore it.  This was Hailey's birthday and I respected that that was the focus of the evening.

I wasn't sure what to expect when we pulled up into the private driveway, surrounded by woods and the gentle breezes of winter.  Whether the whole family in tears or laughing in sad joy at the memories they shared... it actually made me a little uneasy.  It was hard enough to deal with Christmas.  How would I react with this very emotional moment for them all? 

It didn't help that every time I glanced to Luke in the car, he looked pained.  And I had a feeling it wasn't just over me finding out about him and Clare.  I knew this was a sore subject for him.  According to Francis, he never spoke of it and had a hard time dealing with it in general.  Today would be different for the fact that it was his sisters birthday and he was forced to remember this.  He couldn't forget.  Now it will just be shoved in his face, no matter the great intention of just remembering and honoring her life.

Walking up silently with Luke towards the porch, a queasy feeling came over me.  As if I was about to invade a very private part of this family.  Like I shouldn't have access into such a delicate part of their lives when I wasn't even family.  That fear seemed to double when we walked through the door.

It was like I was on guard instantly, looking around as we made our way towards the kitchen where I could hear voices.  Then, upon entering the big opening of the kitchen, my eyes took in the grand surroundings of it all.  The beautiful tiles and marble counter tops, how elegant yet comfortable it looked... like the perfect home.  My eyes finally came to find Jan along with Shannon.  Stopping at walking in, Luke and I stood there as we watched Jan standing at the counter, decorating the cake that sat in front of her on the counter.  It was clear she was working on that for a while with how messy the kitchen looked. 

From where I was watching her from behind, she was wearing a soft green sweater and a grey simple skirt that reached just pass her kneecaps.  She looked very pretty like always, her short hair clipped back.  What bothered me though was that I couldn't see her face since she was facing away and looking down at the cake she was decorating. After all, I felt as if I needed to know the answer as to whether I was welcome or not and seeing her face upon my entrance would be nice. I felt relieved at seeing Shannon standing on the other side of the cupboard, looking down at her mother's work.  Her face held a soft smile as she was talking to her mom but when we entered and she looked up, her face turned more guarded even if that smile stayed there.  Though at first I figured that guarded look was for me, it turned out to be for the man standing besides me. 

"Hey, guys," she said to us, standing up more and taking us in, that smile still there when she looked between Luke and I.  Jan, hearing her, turned towards us and at seeing we arrived, her smile grew to a bright grin, but one that was also cautious when she took in Luke.  What was most recognizable on her face after a moment was realization - then shock when her eyes landed on me.  It didn't help since I already came to assume that I might not be welcome today.