Fractured

Chapter 70

Chapter 70

I was treated like a monster all my life. All my life from when I was a little girl to now. Through the years of put downs, name calling, fights... it was pure hell that I was forced to live through. But even then, even through every person that called me a monster, I had never believed it; I knew I was better than those assholes. I didn't let it get to me much because I was use to it and knew I wasn't a freak like every single person in my life claimed I was. I never believed them.

It was the first time though that I seriously accepted that it had to be the truth. I was the sick monster everyone made me out to be. I wasn't... good. I just wasn't! A good person wouldn't get a guy you care about shot and paralyzed . A good person wouldn't ruin the man she loves and his life. Wouldn't make a family suffer the way I did. A good person wouldn't have to dig up your sisters body because she died based on something you did. And a good person wouldn't kill a baby and end up making everyone that is already hurt... suffer so much more. A baby that never had a chance. A baby that would have technically been my little brother or sister in a strange way. And even worse... his baby. His. The man that has suffered and hurt because of me. Now, I killed his child. No, a good person would never do those things. But a true monster would.

There was no way of expressing how I felt at that second. Because it was mixed and unreadable; impossible and like no other shocking moment before this one. I never felt something so fast change in my system, like my heart going from steady to stopped. It was the utter horror of the situation, the felling of falling, the crash of reality, and smacking into the big picture of my life. I knew... there was no going back to how things were. There was no way. All because of me and all the terrible things I made happen to the people I cared about around me.

There was no gradual acceptance with this like everything else. It just... happened. Was already a part of my reality - whether that's thanks to everything that has already been shocking to me or because the shock was just that great. All I knew was that I wouldn't be able to lay here much longer.

Staring into his glossy eyes was pure torture. Knowing that I stopped those eyes from laying upon his future child possibly... made me want to just get far away from him. I couldn't stand the pain that I felt begin to fill up my body and want to bust open. I knew that pain would soon produce tears and an agonizing sob I wouldn't be able to stop. And if I owed anything to this man right now, it was to not break into selfish tears when he is the one hurting and is the one that has a right to cry.

There was one thing that kept me laying there with him, staring at him with wide eyes. And that was the hope that she was lying or that the baby wasn't his. Otherwise, I needed to leave - and leave fast because that sob was waiting just behind my cracking voice when I finally, after so many long seconds, managed to speak.

I shook my head, so wide eyed and ready to break. This was shattering everything. One hope existed and it lied in his answer. Minutes and minutes it felt like staring at him until I choked it out. "Y-You can't be sure," I said in a quivering voice, eyebrows dipping low with my voice, stifling and cracked. "She could have been just making this up!"

Luke's eyes filled with tears again and he looked down, away from my eyes. One more reason to leave. Because despite that deep sorrow within him, I knew he probably hated me too. I killed Clare and the baby in her if all this was right. And from his words... ugh fuck! Fuck the world. Shaking his head slowly, I watched him swallow hard, lips parting and he took in a shaky breath. "S-S-She wasn't. She wasn't lying. She made me fucking feel her. S-She... she showed me!" he said, his eyes finally coming up to pierce mine in pain. But I didn't know if that originated from hate, just sadness, or worry for me. "She showed me and I-I could see it. She said she was nearly four months into the pregnancy... and... that-that was what it looked like. She looked four months an-and that-that was when," he sighed in defeat. "That's when we were still having sex. She told me wasn't on birth control when she said she was before... and she told me she put holes in the condoms that you wouldn't be able to notice," he said, looking back down, almost in shame - but also defeat and a loss a man like him wouldn't recover easily from.