Turn Off The Dark (Frerard)

Part Twenty-Nine

-Frank's POV-

That evening, my body refused to let me sleep. My mind was racing. What was this cop's issue with Gerard? Why had he seemed so intent on pinning the whole thing on Gerard? What was Gerard not telling me?

He passed out relatively early. I sat beside his sleeping form twisting the sheets in my hands, letting my mind run wild. I was aware that he had issues. Deeply rooted issues. There was plenty that I didn't know about him, and vice versa.

Ask him. You have to ask him.

"Shut up" I mumbled to my own brain, watching Gerard's nose twitch as he slept.

Within the hour I lay next to him, dropping light secret kisses down his neck and nuzzling as close as I could manage. What a beautiful thing he was.

It crossed my mind that, were it not for late night coffee runs, I more than likely would not still be alive to witness him as he was at peace.

I'd had it all planned out. A bottle of Valium, a bottle of vodka. A few slashes of the wrist for good measure. I'd written the note, stashed it away to be someday found by whatever unfortunate soul was stuck with the menial task of shuffling through a sad boy's belongings.

Sure, I hadn't succeeded the first time. I remembered all too well. However. Things weren't looking up, and I assumed they never would. How could they? My own mother could have cared less. No father, no siblings, not even a pet that cared for me, I was easily ready and willing to go for round two.

And then I saw those eyes.

Gerard saved my life simply by meeting my gaze.

I immediately felt.. different. Changed. As though I'd been wandering lonely and cold in the rain, and he'd invited me inside, given me a blanket and a hug.

It felt like home.

I had never truly known what 'home' was supposed to feel like, until that moment.

I wondered if he had any idea. Any clue about how vital he was to the equation of my still existing. Gerard turned in his sleep, his hand falling into one of mine. I immediately gripped his fingers and tossed my other arm around him, sighing. Whatever serious discussion that we needed to have would have to be put on hold.

-----

"Frankie." I felt my body being shaken, and he said my name again. "Frankie."

I blinked, hard, yawning and stretching as I made a poor attempt to sit up. "H- hm? What?"

As soon as I could make out his face, I was concerned by the lines of worry etched into his features.

"Gerard, what's wrong?"

He sighed. "Just- nothing. I have to go somewhere today."

Now I was awake, all traces of sleep gone and replaced by fear.

"Wh- what? You don't go places. What? Where are you going? What? Are you coming back? Let me come with you." I realized I was clawing at his shirt, and Gerard gently pushed my hand back.

"I have to go alone. Of course I'll be back. Just wait for me here, okay? I can't explain right now."

"No! No, you have to tell me, you have to tell me." I was whining. I sounded so fucking pathetic, begging him not to leave the apartment, I realized just how selfish I sounded. Asking a recluse not to go anywhere when he'd finally found the courage to.

Gerard didn't seem to mind, though, patiently stroking my hair and kissing my forehead.

"It's only for a bit. You look exhausted. Go back to sleep. I just wanted you to know so you wouldn't panic."

"Still panicking" I said pointedly, and he chuckled lightly.

"You'll be okay. Go back to sleep."

As Gerard stood, I felt my heart drop, the dingy bed already feeling colder sans him.

"C- can you at least stay till I'm asleep again?" What a little kid I was, crying for his mommy in the middle of the night to check the closet for the type of monsters that didn't exist, monsters, that in a child's future, they found to be real in a new and terrifying way, that the monsters were, in fact, human.

Gerard sighed slightly, but didn't show any visible discontent.

"Of course."

He fell back to the bed, keeping one arm around me and the other I tangled in my hair until I lost consciousness.

------

The apartment was a terribly lonely place to be alone. I couldn't imagine how Gerard had lived here all those years, barely leaving the house, rarely seeing the sun, which in turn had bred his strikingly pale skin.

I tried to watch television mindlessly, I really did, but Gerard swam over and under my thoughts. I could barely go for more than a few seconds without thinking of him.

I soon realized that this would be a most opportune time to snoop.

I typically wasn't a nosy person, not at all. Gerard was so intriguing, though, such a mystery that the call of boxes in corners and piles of sketchbooks was almost too much to bear.

Eventually, I peeped into an old shoebox. Inside were tons of Polaroids, and well, wouldn't you?

Going through the pictures made me smile, seeing Gerard as a little kid doing normal things with a tiny Mikey. Both looked pretty serious most times, but there were some gems where the photographer caught the Way brothers in full smile, often with an older man and woman that I assumed to be his parents.

I noticed Gerard had a good friend, as well.

The kid had long hair for a little boy, a tan skin tone and a big smile. I came across one picture taken behind the two, who wearing little jerseys. The names 'Way' and 'Fuentes' stared back at me.

Huh.

Gerard had always said he'd had no childhood friends.