shades of red

maroon red;

I stared at myself in the mirror,
wearing only a bra and underwear.
The sun was still waking up so I couldn't
see any of the stretch marks on the sides of my
body or freckles on my face. I felt the essence
of my identity blaring in the room, as everything
was white: the bed sheets, the wallpaper, the furniture.

Except me.

No one told me that my skin color was supposed to
be a representation of empowerment—of beauty.
And so I wonder if there is any? How come I am
surrounded by colors that are there to hide my own?

These thoughts rummaged up and down my brain,
twirling around on tippy toes, they tried to capture
my attention but alas, I buried them into the depth
of a dark void, of a web where all is repressed.

I quickly washed my face and brushed my teeth till
they were pearly white. I put on a black cotton-knit dress,
covering all but just above my knees. Holding onto
the wall with one hand to support myself, I carefully
got into a pair of knee high black boots.

"Should I put makeup on?" I tilted my head and watched
my locks of braided hair fall onto one side. The little
act made a smile form on my lips as I felt the tiny braids
in between my fingers.

And so a touch of moisturizer, mascara, and a bright
red lipstick was all that my effort would allow.

Mother's smile beamed through the cold air as I came
down the stairs.

"Honey, I made you breakfast."

In a plate, she handed me pancakes and syrup drizzled
on the soft batch. The aroma tickled my nose and forced
me to sit down and enjoy the meal with her.

"Thank you," I whispered, afraid of waking up the
entire city, as I was told by Grandma that I am too loud.

"I'm so excited that you're going to be starting at Oxford
University! Everyone in my family has gone there, sweetheart.
You're going to love it. The university feels as if it is enchanted."

"Mhm."

"Oh, I bought you this maroon jacket. Isn't it comfy?"

I ran a hand through the jacket, "it's really soft."

"Try it on!"

The jacket hugged and covered any color peaking
through my outfit. All was showing was two inches
of my knees and the frame of my face.

I guess that was enough.