Some old works.

Him All Along

I didn't know how many minutes or hours have passed ever since Rhys started to cook pumpkin soup. He kept on explaining tips on how to enhance the flavor of the soup, how to make it creamier... but what mattered to me right now is how he prepared everything. How he inspected the ingredients, how he silently recalled the recipe he got from his mother, how accurate he chopped the pumpkin into pieces.

I'm a hopeless case when it comes to cooking, but Rhys can cook so perfectly as if he was his own element.

The Rhys in front of me right now was different from the Rhys I knew for a long time.

Silent, cold, strict, no-nonsense, detached, sarcastic...

Mild-mannered, warm, caring, slightly playful and crafty like his twin brother...

His twin brother.

I've always focused on his twin brother Nikolai, his seemingly polar opposite. Nikolai, the sociable, fun-loving, happy-go-lucky boy with an alluring smile. You would think that the only same thing that Rhys shares with Nikolai is his looks.

Yet it was too late when I realized how Nikolai was more heartless deep inside than Rhys, how he actually never cared about me. It was too late when I realized how Rhys's genuine smile shines brighter than Nikolai's, how warm and open his inner side is.

How natural he was deep inside.

I kept on noticing Nikolai, the Nikolai that I always see and I always believe in.

I loved Nikolai... the idea of Nikolai.

A shadow.

"Shara. Go ahead and taste it." Rhys offered some soup to me.

I nodded and took a sip.

Even if it was just one sip, it felt like I was taken to heaven. I want to have another soup, another bowl. It was nothing like I have tasted before. His is better than the pumpkin soup served at my favorite restaurant.

"It's perfect," were the only words that I muttered.

"Alright then." Rhys turned off the stove. "Now you know how to prepare the pumpkin soup perfect for Niko. You ready?"

No... I didn't pay attention. I only watched your figure, how you did everything. All this time, it was you. I knew these feelings were real, not as superficial as my feelings for Nikolai.

"Hey." Rhys waved his hand in front of me. "You still there?"

"Ah!" I shook my head. "I-I was thinking if this would really work..."

"Of course it would work. That's Niko's favorite," Rhys declared as if it was the absolute truth. "You know, it takes a lot of patience, getting along with my brother..."

"No, I mean..." I mumbled. "What if... what if things have changed?"

Rhys raised an eyebrow at me. "What do you mean?"

"What if... I actually like you?"

What followed was uncomfortable silence.

What broke it was Rhys's soft yet forced laughter. "Ridiculous. Don't give up hope just because Niko's more mischievous than you've thought. Just because Niko never cared that much about you."

"But..."

"It's going to take time. And you might be confusing me for my brother." Rhys took a bowl and transferred the soup with a ladle. "Work hard, okay?"

"But what if I..."

"Why are you asking about impossible 'what-if' situations?" Rhys sounded a little annoyed. "Look, you're not going to give up now. It's going to be a dream come true for you, right? So don't turn back."

That was when I realized that Rhys also shared another similarity with Nikolai.

Stubborn. He's so stubborn.

Maybe he's heartless... in his own way.

Is this what I get? Is this what I get for chasing a shadow who will never love me back?