Breaking Her Rules

Chapter 19

'Bro.' Julian is staring at me, and I'm staring back, wondering why he's using such a serious tone. 'You're in a lot of trouble, Em.'

Oh god, I think. Someone has found out about the fire. I'm expelled for sure. It would have been easy. They could have tracked the IP address of the video I posted online. I'll have to go to the state school down the road. I wonder if there are charges involved. It was just a field.

He pulls out his phone and loads up YouTube. But why is he going to show me the fire video? I've already seen the video. If they've found out it was me who set the field alight wouldn't a teacher come and tell me to go and see the principal? I sit silently beside him, thoughts racing.

'Julian, I've already seen it,' I'm saying, until I realise that the video he's loading up isn't the shakily shot footage of the field alight.

'You have?' he asks.

'Wait, no, I haven't,' I say, and I stare at his screen. I know exactly what this video is. It's nothing to do with the fire. This is worse. It's shot from behind the white canvas sheets. It's footage of Toby and me talking at the fundraising dinner. This is bad.

'So what do you want to talk about?' I'm saying on film. 'I thought we were done.'

'Uh...' Toby is saying. 'Have you told anyone about what happened between us?'

'What? No, of course not. I didn't even tell Ainsley. You told your whole fucking group.' At the time I had meant to look tough, but in this video I just look defensive and fragile.

'Right, yeah. But they haven't said anything to anyone else. But Scarlet said someone told her I'm not faithful. Obviously she thinks it's just a stupid rumour, but she wanted to know why a rumour like that was going around. So I figured maybe you'd let it slip or something.'

'I didn't let anything slip,' I say spitefully. 'I haven't told anyone about us. Not a soul. You can brag all you want to your boys about fucking two girls at once, but I'll stay quiet. I'm not doing it to protect you, Toby. I don't care if your girlfriend finds out.'

The video cuts there, and Julian looks up at me expectantly, waiting for me to explain. I can't even think straight. Fifty views, but it will spread around campus quickly. It's too late now. Scarlet will know. Everyone will know.

'Fuck,' is all I can say.

'Yeah, fuck,' Julian says, turning in his swivel chair to face me. 'Now explain.'

I have known Julian all my life. He has always been the relaxed, arty guy, with ink over his hands and recently, the smell of tobacco on his clothes. But today he looks stern, almost as if he doesn't trust me. I glance around at the empty library, waiting for some excuse not to spill this, but I know I have to tell Julian.

'Toby and I got together at a party,' I say. 'He was drunk and upset. He had just had a fight with Scarlet. And then we kept getting together in secret.'

'What did you guys do?' Julian asks. 'You know what I mean. How far did you guys go?'

'We had sex,' I surrender. 'Once, and then it ended. At Ainsley's party. You know how I said I was alone upstairs and saw Taylor and Duncan hooking up? Well I wasn't alone. Toby was there, but he made me swear not to tell.'

Julian raises his eyebrows. 'Dude, Toby was there?'

'Yes,' I groan. 'Do you see now why my story was so implausible? I couldn't tell anyone I was upstairs with Toby!'

'Shit,' Julian says.

'I know, Jules. This is going to be awful, and I know I should never have done it.' I lean on the desk, defeated.