Chapter 21: Realizations

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Becca

I watched in awe as Cassie shovelled another slice of pizza into her mouth. For someone so tiny, it amazed me how she could eat so much without gaining a pound.

We were at Paul's Pizza Parlour, or Triple P as locals like to call it. Cassie was on her hour break and I came to visit her to fill her in on the events of mine and Brett's study date... but mostly to get free pizza.

Cassie slurped loudly on her chocolate shake before reaching to grab another slice.

Her and Brett would get along well, I thought, thinking back to how easily he ate almost the entire pizza he ordered for us last night.

"Let me get this straight," she began as she chewed on the tip of her straw. "You and Brett spent the night alone in his room and nothing happened. You...fell asleep on his couch?" She watched me quizzically as she waited for me to respond.

"Exactly," I shrugged.

"Becca!" She screamed, attracting the attention of the customers sitting at the tables beside us. I gave her a stern look and she lowered her voice, smiling sheepishly. "How the hell did you spend the night with that boy and all you did was sleep?" Her face scrunched up in disgust as she said the last word.

I thought back to the events of the night before. I had woken up on the couch with Brett sitting beside me. His hand was in mine and, when I opened my eyes, he was watching me thoughtfully, his face a mask in the dark. He drove me home shortly after and I fell asleep in his sweater, making it feel as if he were there beside me.

I selfishly hoped he doesn't ask me to give it back to him because I had no intentions to.

"You know it's not like that, Cass." I said sternly, annoyed at her sexual comments and disbelief.

Cassie knew I was completely inexperienced when it came to all things relationships. Brett was my first kiss, after all. She shouldn't be surprised that nothing happened between the two of us last night.

The look in Brett's eyes as he watched me sleep flashed into my mind. When I opened mine and saw him, from what I could read amid the shadows, his face was thoughtful and soft, I could practically see him thinking.

But what was he thinking about?

"Becca, I love you. But as your best friend, I need to tell you to snap out of it. You need to admit your feelings for Brett before you drive yourself crazy," Cassie said gently, her eyes watching me closely. "He's a good guy...but you already know that. So what's stopping you?"

Fear, I thought. Heartbreak. Loss. Pain. Another person leaving me and having to pick up the pieces all over again.

As if she could read my thoughts, Cassie reached across the table and placed her hand on mine, squeezing it gently.

"Brett is not your father, Becca," she whispered, I could see the sadness in her eyes at the mention of my dad.

Cassie and I had been friends for as long as I can remember. When my father left my mother and I, Cassie was there for me. She watched my world fall apart and she desperately tried to help me pick up the pieces, but she couldn't. No one could. It was something I had to do on my own and, ultimately, it made me stronger. But Cassie knew what my dad's departure did to me, she knew the kind of man he was.

Everything she said was right. Brett was obviously nothing like my father and, deep down, I knew that. I truly did. But what I know and what I fear are two different things.

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