(RIVALS) The Upside of Falling ✔️

Chapter 26: Empty

Brett

It amazed me how you could lose something you never even had to begin with and still feel empty without it.

That's how I felt for the next few weeks.

Empty.

It felt like I was living but I wasn't actually alive.

I was empty. Hollow. Vacant. Lifeless. Call it whatever you want, it doesn't matter.

It just sucked.

* * *

The days began to blur together.

Wake up. Go to school. Sit in class. Sit through lunch. Return to the hotel. Sleep. Wake up. Go to school. Sit in class. See Becca in the hallway and pretend like I didn't. See Becca standing at her locker looking painfully beautiful and having to walk by her like I never knew her. Like we never kissed. Like she didn't know the darkest parts of my life, secrets I haven't told anyone...

Sit through lunch. Return to the hotel. Sleep. Repeat. It was a never ending cycle, one that only got worse every single day.

English class was the hardest. Having her so close to me killed me, I couldn't do anything about it. I began to sit in the front row, this way I didn't have to see her from the corner of my eye. It was almost as if she wasn't even there.

Almost.

I could still feel her. I felt her and saw her everywhere. In my car, laying on my couch, standing at my locker. I couldn't escape her no matter how hard I tried.

I slowly began to accept our distance. Everyday that passed it only grew wider and I wasn't sure I would ever be able to close it.

The school bell rang. Students filed out of class and I fell into step behind them, until I heard Mrs. Copper call my name.

I looked at her blankly, seeing her but not actually seeing her. She signalled for me to go to her desk, so I did.

"Yes?" I asked, unable to hide the boredom from my voice. I was faintly aware of Becca walking by me - no, I was completely aware. I still felt like every nerve of mine was on edge when she was around. But I tried to hide it.

I became pretty good at that, hiding things. Hiding feelings, hiding emotion. Brett Wells, king of faking it. I chuckled to myself, thinking back to mine and Becca's fake relationship. How fucking ironic.

"Are you listening to a word I'm saying, Mr. Wells?"

My attention snapped back to Mrs. C's cold glare and I smiled at her, playing on my charm. Another thing I never used to do, I guess I was changing.

She shook her head but I didn't miss the brief smile that flashed across her face.

"You managed to bring your grade up to a B, Mr. Wells. Congratulations. I'll advise Coach so he can re-instate you as team captain." She said, making me genuinely smile for the first time in days.

"Thanks, Mrs. C." I said lamely, distraught by my sudden happiness. It felt wrong, to be happy when everything was falling apart.

"I'm proud of you, Brett. I knew you had it in you." I shook my head at her, she was wrong.

"I had a great tutor," I admitted, thinking back to Becca and the nights she spent going over our homework with me. The sadness crept its way back up, pushing down and staking claim over the momentary happiness I felt.

I left class feeling thankful. Being back on the team would give me something to take my mind off of Becca 'cause, let's face it, no matter how hard I tried to deny it, she still occupied my mind every damn day.

Every hour. Every minute. Every second.

Becca. Becca. Becca.

I couldn't escape her.

Speaking of. There she was, standing at her locker a few feet away from me. Her bag hung off her arm as she struggled to put her books in it, her hair falling over her forehead and eyebrows furrowed in frustration.

I took a step closer to her to help, then remembered that I couldn't do that anymore.

I watched her struggle. She was blowing her hair off her forehead, blonde pieces flying widely around her head as her bag slipped off her arm and crashed onto the floor.

Screw it.

I reached her in three quick steps and grabbed her bag off the floor, holding it out to her. Her eyes met mine and they widened in surprise. This was the first time we've been this close since that day on the sidewalk when everything changed.

"Thanks," she said, her voice coming out in a nervous squeak. I wanted to laugh. I wanted to brush her hair behind her ear, hold her in my arms and tell her everything would be okay.

But I didn't. I nodded.

She grabbed the bag from me, her fingers brushed against mine and she pulled her hand away quickly, as if she'd been burned.

My hands tingled from her skin. I missed her so much.

"I'm back on the team," I blurted out, feeling like she had the right to know.

Her face pulled up into a small smile but it didn't reach her eyes. They didn't crinkle and shine like they used to.

"That's great, Brett." Hearing her say my name almost sent me over the edge. My heart felt like it would fall out of my chest any second.

"Yeah," I shrugged. "Couldn't have done it without you," I whispered. She looked up at me sadly, her eyes full of the pain that mirrored mine.

She was hurting too. Just as much as I was. None of this made any damn sense.

The bell rang. Students began to walk to class. I shifted on my feet, my eyes never leaving Becca's. She fidgeted with the strap on her shoulder, her eyes darting to the hallway over and over. She wanted to leave.

"I should go to class," she said, her voice low. She turned and left, walking quickly down the hallway as the distance between us grew even wider than it once was.

I watched her leave, feeling absolutely nothing. I welcomed the numbness, it was better than feeling everything at once.

I sighed, running my hands through my hair.

Sit through lunch. Return to the hotel. Sleep. Repeat.

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