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"Everybody wants to go to heaven
But nobody wants to die
I can fear death no longer
I've died a thousand times"
-Bring Me The Horizon (Hospital For Souls)

I went to the doctor today again. It wasn't good.
My five months, have now turned into two. Three at most.
I left the doctor's deep in my own thoughts. I didn't pay attention to anything the entire way home.

I don't want to die.

I don't want the pack to suffer. I don't want Balthazar to go through the same thing my dad went though when my mom died.

I have to tell Balthazar.

I entered the house, determined to find Balthazar. I checked his office first since he is usually there this time of day.
His office was empty, his scent faint.

I followed what was left of it to our room where it got stronger. I entered our room just in time to hear something falling and then a loud clatter, almost like many little beads falling. It came from the bathroom.

What the hell?

I opened the door to the bathroom and saw Balthazar on his knees, holding two orange bottles in his palms, label up. My medicine bag was on the floor and all the bottles scattered around on the floor.

"Inotropes." He said, reading the label. "Digoxin. Angiotensin." He read more, looking at some that were on the floor. "These are all medication for weak hearts. And look who they are prescribed to. A Miss Rhiannon Rose Davis." Balthazar said, his voice cold.

"Balthazar I--" he cut me off with a sharp look, standing up and walking towards me, towering over me.

"When were you going to tell me that you can die any moment from heart failure Rhiannon?" He asked. "WHEN?!" He yelled, making me look down.

"Today." I whispered lowly, but loud enough for him to hear.

"Today? We've been mates for a month and a half now Rhiannon and you just planned to tell me now? Tell me, why today? Why not tomorrow? Or next month? Or possibly when you're on your death bed?" He spoke angrily.

"I went to the doctor." I said, my answer short.

After a moment of silence and some heavy breaths from Balthazar trying to calm himself down, he finally spoke.

"How long?" He asked, his voice soft but concerned this time.

"Two months. Three at most." Balthazar then leaned against the wall and slid down until he was sitting, his legs spread and his elbows on each of his knees. His fingers went to tangle in his hair as he looked down and sighed in frustration.

"Is there anything. Anything out there that can save you and let you live longer?" He asked, voice desperate.

"Well, there is this surgery. But it is very expensive."

"How expensive? Nothing is too expensive when it comes to whether you stay alive or end up in a casket Rhiannon." Balthazar said, looking me in the eye.

"Fifty thousand dollars. At the least." I said looking down at the tiled floor that transitioned to wood where the bedroom begun and bathroom ended.

"That's not that bad." He said. "Why didn't you tell me Rhiannon? I could have payed for your surgery and you could have had a normal heart."

"I was afraid. Afraid you would reject me. Think of me as a weak, sick, good for nothing Luna."

"Listen, even if you had cancer that nobody could cure, I would still love you. I don't care that you have a bad heart. This could be fixed with surgery. But I am upset with you about keeping it from me." He shook his head, then stood up and left the room.

A few tears rolled down my face as I scrambled to pick up the containers, scolding myself for not telling him earlier. Why wolf was whimpering in the back of my head. She was mad at me for making our mate angry and upset.
I was mad at myself too.

That night Balthazar walked into the room without so much as a hello. He just headed straight to the bathroom.
I buried myself in the covers, turning away from the bathroom door.

A few minutes later I heard the door to the bathroom open, and the bed dip on the other side and and covers being lifted.
Warm arms wrapped themselves around me and pulled me to a muscular chest.

"I payed for your surgery. You're scheduled to have it next week. They already found you a donor." He said, and then kisses the side of my neck. I nodded and then closed my eyes, letting sleep consume me.

I woke up coughing and my nose bleeding. Balthazar looked sleepy and startled at the same time, and rushed me to the bathroom, bending me over the sink. I coughed blood up into the sink, blood from my nose joining in. It was a mess and he whole sink was now a scarlet color instead of pearly white. Ten minutes later, my coughing subsided but I can't say the same about my nose.
It bled like my period was coming out from the wrong place.

I cleaned up my nose with cold water, stopping the bleeding fifteen minutes later.

"How often does this happen?" Balthazar asked me, his hand going through my hair in a soothing matter as we lay in bed together, by head on his chest.

"Once or twice a month." I yawned while answering.

"Go to sleep sweetheart. This probably took a lot of energy out of you." He said, and that's exactly what I did.

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