Swing Life Away [Ereri/Riren]

Relapse - Part 2

Bring on the angst! x'D

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The following Sunday - only three days later - they had corresponding days off for once without Levi having to open the shop on his own to get some more business in. Eren decided to put his books away for once and make it a family day. Although he still felt guilty, Levi was determined to make the most of it.

They played games almost all morning, watched their daughter laugh and play in the backyard with Kiba and then ate sandwiches on the back picnic table together under the shade of their ash tree. It was only as Eren declared it was time for Charlotte's nap when Levi decided he should get to work on at least a few commissions for the day.

As he worked on organizing his supplies to his liking on the desk in the study, he couldn't shake the feeling of uneasiness looming over him. Guilt coiled in his gut, but he forced himself to work regardless. With subtly shaking hands, he put pencil to paper and dove into the art.

He was only just beginning to add details of a portrait of a woman when it happened.

"I should've known something was up," came Eren's low voice from behind him.

Levi swiveled in his chair, pencil still in hand, to see him hovering in the doorway with his eyes trained on the floor, a small plastic bag pinched between the forefinger and thumb of his right hand.

And Levi felt his heart drop into his stomach. The white substance looked out of place in Eren's possession despite there not being enough left for a decent high.

You fucked up, his subconscious whispered again. Get ready for the blow.

Saying nothing, Levi removed his glasses and discarded them on the desk behind him.

Eren's arm lowered. "Did I do something wrong?" he asked, his liquid irises lifting to Levi's.

Levi felt shock course through his entire body. "What? No...no, Eren. Obviously I did. It's...it wasn't because of you..."

"Then why?"

The crack in his husband's voice wasn't missed, and the pain he felt from the desperate, almost broken look in those eyes he adored so much was beginning to consume him, feeding the guilt, causing him to want to curl in on himself and disappear forever. To spare Eren any more suffering because of him.

Levi replaced his pencil on the desk and stood, swallowing hard to buy time to find the right words. Suddenly he could no longer look at his companion and averted them down to his feet instead.

"It's just..." He stopped himself. Excuses aren't going to get you out of this. Began again. "Everyone is constantly busy, I've been under a shitload of stress, and you're gone most of the time now." He could feel himself becoming more anxious, more desperate to make Eren understand despite being almost certain there was no way he could; or even if he did, that it would help Eren forgive him, but he continued anyway. "Things...things get bad when I'm alone. I-It's not an excuse...I just couldn't handle it...I couldn't. The...the demons in my head just took over and he showed up to the shop and it was th-the opportunity I never wanted but the next thing I knew I was on the floor just like back then and...god I fucked up. I fucking screwed everything up, Eren. Shit...I'm sorry. I'm so sorry...fuck, I'm sorry..." His arms came uncrossed, his hands shoving through his hair as he paced toward the window, feeling more idiotic than ever.

I'm going to end up all alone again. And this time it'll be so much worse...

"Who showed up to the shop?" Eren asked.

Levi leaned forward against the window frame, pressing his forehead against it and staring blankly down to the yard below.

"Levi?" Eren murmured again when he didn't get a response.