Homecoming (Lesbian)

CHAPTER 4

On Saturday I took a bus to Portland. I didn't call Rosie, she could be out with her friends or at school, who knows, but I was risking it. I got to Portland by two that afternoon. I grabbed a cab and gave him Rosie's address while praying she would be there. As I watched the building pass beside me, I thought about what I would say to her when I saw her. I should be honest, I told myself. I should tell her why I wasn't answering her calls, and what I feel.

The cab parked across from the street, I got out and went into the building.

As I stood in front of her door, I felt that horrible tickle on my fingertips, my heart racing, my breathing uneasy. I lifted my hand and knocked on the door. Nothing at first, which made me think, of course not, it's Saturday, even her roommates are probably gone. I knocked a second time and this time, I heard her voice coming from the other side saying "Coming, coming. Hold your horses!"

The door opened and Rosie's face went blank. I was the last person she was waiting for. Then, those big eyes and her slightly parted lips turned into a smile. I was waiting for her to be angry, maybe even to close the door on my nose, but she just stepped aside and let me in.

"I'm sorry I didn't call. I should've." I said walking in and sitting on the couch.

"Yeah, you should've. You're lucky I have to study. Otherwise, I would've gone camping with the guys."

"Oh, lucky me I guess," I said in an attempt to joke. A bad attempt. Rosie sat next to me and looked into my eyes, fiercely, refusing to look away with an answer "I'm sorry I didn't pick up. You called me a bunch of times and I just couldn't. I was scared."

"I just wanted to make sure you were alright, Riley. If you just want for us to be friends, I'm cool with that."

"That's the thing, I don't. That's what scared me. Look, I'm not blind, I've known I have feelings for girls since I'm five, but I just... I wasn't ready to accept it and you kissed me and I had to do something about it and reevaluate and... and..."

"And what?"

"And I think... I would... like to... Jesus. I don't know how to..."

Rosie held my hand, her skin felt soft, warm. "You wanna go out with me again? Maybe... hold hands this time?"

I grinned widely "Yeah. That's what I was trying to say. I wanna... be with you."

Rosie stroked my face with a sweet tenderness. Then she approached slowly and we kissed. I didn't pull away this time. I closed my eyes and let her do it, without fear, without regret. Everything I did as her lips merged with mine was to enjoy the moment.

Rosie and I dated for five months. We're still in touch; it wasn't a nasty break-up, just two people talking about how they couldn't be together anymore. She's a surgeon now. She married an anesthesiologist. She invited me to the wedding but unfortunately, I couldn't make it. I was overseas at the time. They have a baby boy called Roman. I should give her a call sometime. My psychologist says talking to old friends might help out.

I must say as long as our relationship lasted, Rosie made me happy. She was funny, smart, patient, sweet. I saw her every weekend, she would come home or I would go visit her, and we spent hours on the phone every day. But my relationship with Rosie was doomed since the beginning. It didn't work for the same reason none of my relationships did. Rosie wasn't Faye.

Three and a half months into our relationship, things started getting complicated. No, not with Rosie; with Faye. I had never dated anyone for over three weeks and now I had been dating the same person for almost four mouths. And Faye was the only one who knew about us. I had come to grips with my sexuality, it didn't mean I was ready to get out of the closet. Not only that, she was used to having me all to herself, but with Rosie in the middle, we couldn't go out on the weekends because I was with Rosie. On Friday I spent hours on the phone or texting my girlfriend while she was trying to tell me something or ask me something. Yeah, I know, I was a crappy friend. But it was my first girlfriend, I was excited, which might explain why I didn't see it coming.