The Alpha's First Choice

22. Be My Secret

Liam:

I want more.

Those words don't stop running all over my head as I look at her discreetly across the table.

The breakfast table has become my happiest place to be. Sleep hasn't been kind to me over the years, but it has lately become my best friend. It just happened one day, suddenly, I was lulled to sleep by the thought of her smiling face at the breakfast table. It made me feel so complete, so at peace. The following morning, I cursed myself for daring to think about her. I avoided looking at her that day. But the same smile came back to me once again that night and the night after and it soon became a habit. The guilt that came every morning after; faded little by little until it was replaced by a strange boldness.

A boldness that gave me permission to let my dreams breathe. I convinced myself that as long as I know my place in her life, as long as I don't put my thoughts to action, I'll be fine. I can allow my wolf to cheat a little.

The problem is that I have come to realize that I can no longer lie and put all the blame on my wolf.

When I see her, I no longer turn away. I take my time to drink in the shine in her midnight eyes, the streaks around them when something amuses her, the stretch that her lips travel when she's happy. When she leans into someone while having a conversation, I unconsciously move with her trying to remember if she ever did that to me, lean into me when I talk to her.

Her happiness is contagious; it makes want to be happy with her. When I watch her fuss over Evan's food habits, it makes me yearn for her concern.

I've become greedy.

I'm ashamed of it. But the devil inside me even has arguments to counter my shame these days.

I laugh at how ignorant I was when I thought that I could bring her this close to me and still resist the temptation to make her mine.

The restraint within me is slowly breaking. It's a matter of time before my selfish desires takes over my rational senses. I can see it coming, yet I'm doing nothing to stop it.

What if I wasn't this empty? What if I had someone to love, a family? Would she still have this effect on me? Would I still want her this much? Who am I kidding; my son is a living proof of what would have happened had she stayed next to me.

I knew I had many flaws, but infidelity wasn't one of them. That was until I met her.

This craziness, I can't help but question the necessity of it. Why was it so important for the goddess to bind us to another person this badly? Yet every time I look at my mate, I can't help but thank her a million times for keeping me alive, for giving me another chance to look at the woman I thought I would never see again.

"Can Dan sleep over here tonight" she asked my mother.

"Really?" mom squealed like a child.

She smiled, pushing the curtain of hair that keeps disturbing her behind shoulder "Yes. I have to go to the city. I'll be late"

My curiosity lifted its head but I kept my eyes focused on my plate.

"Ah its Friday already" Emma said "The date?" My head snapped up as my heart thudded hard. Her voice laced with mischief as she winked at my mate.

What shocked me more was my mate's response to her. She shushed her pointing a finger to her lips and a meaningful glare "Yes" she mouthed.

I gripped my chair with all my force as I held on to the fork in my other hand as if my life depended on it. I just hope it has enough strength to bear my assault. My wolf was starting to flex its muscles inside me.