Faking Love (Narry)

things i said; i'm sorry [fin]

@Real_Liam_Payne: No we arent postponing teh tour. Dont you guyys worry :):)

@Louis_Tomlinson: Leave it to @Harry_Styles to fuck shit up. #waytogooooomate

@ZaynMalik: @Louis_Tomlinson shut up, and stop being a dick.

He told me that over the phone, miles and miles away from each other, was not a good time to discuss my feelings.

He told me that we would talk when I returned from L.A.

I couldn't board the plane fast enough, although, if I had known what was waiting for me when I touched down again, I probably would have stayed in America.

"I'm so, so, so sorry." He had said it over and over again. I didn't believe him. If he had been as sorry as he claimed he was, he wouldn't have told Zayn to call his psychiatrist friend. I didn't know what I had done wrong, honest. I had only told him that I loved him.

"Harry, you need to snap out of it." He shook my shoulders, attempting to get me to blink, to speak, to do something. "Harry," he nearly cried. "It's not funny. Please move. Anything."

I couldn't move. I couldn't talk. I barely registered anything even coming out of his mouth, although I tried my best, because I loved him.

"Harry." He shook my shoulders again, crying for real this time. "I don't know what to do. Please respond. You can't die. Are you dying? What's going on? I don't know what to do."

I just sat there, crumpled on the floor. I couldn't move. Niall tried to get me to roll over, and it worked, but he thought I would stop breathing. So he put me back on my side again. Stop breathing? I think I wanted to.

"Goddamn it Harry!" He screamed. I wanted to reach out and trace my hand over his cheek, but I couldn't move. He scrambled around for his phone frantically. All the commotion had made his mouth begin to bleed again. I could see it on his teeth. I couldn't say anything. "Yes, hello? I need an ambulance. My friend isn't breathing I don't think. No, no. He won't respond to anything. He won't close his eyes. I don't know! I'm sorry, I don't know!"

I wanted to tell him that I was okay. I wasn't okay. But he needed to hear the lie. He needed to be okay, and if lying got him there, then I wanted to lie. Niall came before me, especially then. He was more important. I couldn't stand to see him crying.

"Harry." Niall focused his attention back to me, and my vision was getting blurry. "Harry, stay with me. Keep your eyes open. Please, please God. I need him alive."

I need him. He had actually said it. It was the last thing I heard before blacking out.

I'd woken to incessant beeping.

It had taken a few minutes after my mind was awake before I could open my eyes. When I finally did, the scene before me was not a happy one.

The boys had been hunched over, slack jawed and deadbeat tired near the window of the white hospital room. It hadn't taken long for me to realize the beeping was my heart monitor. Why I was on one, I hadn't been too sure.

Louis was the first to notice me. "Christ, you're awake."

I only nodded.

"Can you talk?" Zayn asked softly, as he had stood and walked over to me.

"Yes." My voice was a croak, and I was ashamed. I sounded so weak in front of them, in front of Niall.

"You had a panic attack, mate." Zayn had placed his hand in my unfortunately greasy hair. "Niall called the hospital for you."