The Multitudes Within Me (Sequel to The Sound of Ice)

30

I do go back to Harvard. Just for a week or so, to collect my things, to officially transfer. I'm numb the entire train ride back, listening to a playlist Cameron made, watching the countryside fly by in my navy sweatshirt, rubbing my fingers against the soft fabric until I've started to wear it down.

It's January, and Boston is cold and wet. The campus is slick with icy snow, icicles dangling from the roofs. Pierce is in our dorm, looking like he arrived not too long ago - his suitcase is open on his bed, the contents spilled around the room - and he looks up at me from his desk, a baseball hat pulled over his face.

"Sam!" he says. "You're back!"

I only brought one small suitcase with me, and I toss it on my own bed. "Not for long," I admit. "I just here to transfer schools. I'm sorry."

"Don't be. God, please don't be. I know things have been shit for you."

I shrug and smile. In my suitcase somewhere is my bottle of antidepressants, rattling around, pale-colored pills in an orange casing.

Pierce stands up and scratches his neck. He's wearing a long-sleeved rowing shirt and black sweatpants, and he leans against his desk and crosses his arms. "How's your uncle?"

"He's doing okay. I mean, he had that scare before Christmas. You know. But he's doing much better now. Chemo every couple weeks."

"That's good, that's good. Do you know where you'll be transferring to?"

I dip my head, feeling shame rise to my cheeks. "No."

"Hey, well, don't worry about that. You'll figure things out. I'm praying for you, dude. And you're welcome to join me at church again this Sunday. My dad talked about you all during winter break, said you were incredible at the hospital."

I smile. "Tell him I said thank you," I say, and I unzip my suitcase.

~

I'm exhausted, but before I head to bed I grab coffee with Eliza. She pulls me into a huge hug, wearing her favorite purple coat, and I hug her back tightly.

"How are you?" she asks when she pulls away, and she squeezes my arm gently. "I've been thinking about you. I've missed you like crazy."

I can smell her perfume, and I've missed her too. A lot.

"I'm alright," I say as Eliza orders decaf for the both of us. We sit down at a table for two, and I glance out the window - grey rain streaks against the glass.

"So you're transferring?"

I look at her and nod. We texted on the train ride, so she already knows.

"I'll miss you, but I get it," she says. "I can tell you don't love it here. And depression is a bitch."

I look at her, and her brown eyes are warm and understanding. "You have depression?"

"A little bit. It used to be much worse. Back before I transitioned, you know, when I was still Elliot."

"Eliza - god, I had no idea." How could I have known? Eliza is so outgoing, and so happy.

She shrugs and smiles sadly. "Like I said, it used to be much worse. You know, most people are a little fucked up. Everyone's just good at hiding it."

The coffees come, and I trace my finger around the mug handle, waiting for the drink to cool down, letting Eliza's words sink into my brain. Then I ask, "How was your winter break?"

"It was good! I had a thing with this super hot guy. He studies abroad, so it won't last. But we're still snapchatting and stuff." Her eyes widen. "Oh! I almost forgot, I have a gift for you!"